Saturday, July 08, 2006

Lonely at the Top

I'm sick of working at the Gallery. Its pretty much a voluntary position (travel expenses and a small Honorium as a 'thank you' twice a year), but it takes up so much of my time - even when I'm not doing something for it, I'm feeling guilty that I should be doing more. I enjoyed it when I was just a volunteer, but now I'm Co-Director, all the fun has gone from it. There was some satisfaction earlier in the year when I was successful at fundraising, but since then its just all been hassle. Most of the trustees don't do anything other than turn up to the meetings where they make suggestions about other things we should be doing, but then sink back when it comes to actually doing the work. I'm sick of the volunteers and artists, of their disorganisation and their lack of common sense and of having to be the one who is practical while others get to be the fun person.

I thought it would be good experience for me (something for the CV) and that I would quit if I found a proper job using the experience but I'm not getting very far with that (one almost interview). The OH thinks I should give it up - he has some crazy idea that he wants to spent more time with me but I remember weekends BG (Before Gallery) and all he did was watch sport on television. But I will feel guilty if I quit - it is a worthwhile thing to do and I don't see who else would take over. Late last year, I think I said I would just do up to July but here I am and I'm thinking now that I should keep going until December, but I'm really not sure I can take the stress.

4 comments:

northern monkey said...

Poor you sounds like a right nightmare. Having spent 2 years too long, making myself miserable in a job I absolutely hated, I'm now a firm believer in making sure what I'm doing is what I want to be doing and that I enjoy it, especially when it comes to work as we have to spend so much of our life there. I'd have a think if it's really what you want, see if you can introduce any changes(for the better and your satisfaction) and if not then maybe it's now time to move on.

Lucy In The Sky said...

It sounds like it's currently a very negative part of your life, so I think you should drop it. x

SandDancer said...

Its not my actual real job - its something I do as well as my full time job. The more I write down about it, the more ridiculous it sounds that I'm still doing it. Its really just a combination of cowardice and guilt that is keeping me there. I have a meeting there on Wednesday - I'll see how that goes and make a decision after that.

northern monkey said...

Oh I so know what you mean - I'm a trustee of a small inner London charity - I was persuaded into signing up thinking it would get me some hands on experience and maybe provide an opportunity to meet new people/make some friends. Instead it's extra work and I've ended up spending 1 Thursday evening a month sitting with a bunch of (quite snobby) retired professionals debating how to help the poor of Southwark - the fact it's only 12 times a year so isn't too bad keeps me going, and like you say the guilt and all round cowardice