Everyone who has ever cut my hair

Some of the names are now lost in the mists of time, if I ever knew them in the first place, but as far as I can remember this is a list of everyone who has ever cut my hair (a list that compiled itself while I had my hair cut today)


My mother - inflictor of many a crooked fringe as a child. Strangely I still allowed her to cut the back of it when I was a student.


Carron - a friend of a friend of the family. She has arthritis in her hands despite being in her twenties but somehow could still cut her. She was the first glamorous person I remember wearing glasses.

A series of ladies at "Cutz" - responsible for the awful "Wolf Cut" that was apparently all the rage (where outside of lupine circles, I'm not sure). They were also very fond of using the tongs on my fringe .

Lisa - a childhood friend of mine who I hadn't seen of spoken to for years. She came round our house to cut everyone's hair. We were both too shy to make conversation. It was awkward. She's recently been in touch via Facebook.


The Hard-Faced Blonde - I was a student and after years of the same hair style, having spent ages growing out the ever-present fringe in my late teens, I decided I would go for a change. I picked a salon in the centre of Norwich and was determined I would go for something different. I was ready to explain that I didn't think my round face would suit anything too harsh, but my hairdresser was a hard-faced woman with a very severe haircut that didn't suit her face at all, so I was unable to say that. Instead I had a trim.

The Cutting Crew - I don't remember anything about the hairdresser or the cut, but the bailiffs came to repossess some things while I was having my hair washed.

Julie - a lovely hairdresser in my hometown who would cut my hair on my visits home in my early years of living in London. Her usual customers were the set and rinse crowd, so she liked playing with my young, straight hair.


Mavis aka the one that got away - after Julie's salon closed, I asked my mother to make an appointment for my visit at another local salon. Unknown to me, there were two next door to each other. She made the appointment with the wrong one. I decided that a) I didn't want my hair cut there and b) it didn't need a cut yet. So I rang to cancel and the woman said "I'll let Mavis know" and I was convinced I'd made the right decision.


The Lonely Chinese Man - my first hairdresser in London and the first hairdresser to give me a head massage - it gave me a headache. I'm pretty sure I didn't ever find out his name. He used to ask what I was doing that night, but specificially where he might be able to find me. He spent Christmas on his own at the cinema. He cut my hair several times, but one day I went back and he was gone.


The Big Girl - at the same salon as the above. She was alright. She was a big girl with a big personality and a very dated perm.


The Blonde Aussie druggie with a rich boyfriend - again at the same salon, I sometimes got this nightmare instead of the Big Girl. A man once came in and sold her drugs while she was washing my hair. The shop owner chased him away. She was apparently dating a very rich man with yacht and was setting sail around the world with him, but by my next visit, he had dumped her. She made a terrible mess with the hair dye.


Justina and the Big Greek Man - a one-time visit to a salon near the gallery I used to volunteer at. The Big Greek Man was the owner, who instructed Justina on the hair dye part, without consulting me. It came out bright red around the roots, auburn everywhere else. I stayed another two hours, while they tried to make it all one colour again.


Sonia - Sonia is a great hairdresser but a dreadful time-keeper. Your appointment time is just the time you are welcomed into the salon, the actual cut (always good and quick once it started) would usually happen 2 hours later. She had previously been an accountant in Iran.


Daniella - briefly worked at Sonia's and cut my hair once when Sonia was too busy with the fifteen other people who had been waiting hours. She did quite a good job.


Marta the Butcher - Also at Sonia's. The worst haircut I've ever had. The fringe, cut in first, with layers. On my birthday.


Esme - a friend of my sisters' and my favourite hairdresser. She cut it twice, but then went freelance because she was sick of the low pay in the salon and I never quite managed to arrange to see her again.


Lynne - owner of the salon that Esme worked at. She could cut hair, but her bedside manner left a lot to be desired. She insisted on putting my hair up as part of some special Christmas promotion.



Carly - another friend of my sisters' and worker in the same salon as above. I've witnessed her eating both portions of a two-for-one deal on scampi and chips, although this was in the pub and not in her capacity as a hairdresser at all.


Georgina - the current hairdresser, who all in all I'm quite happy with.

Cultural Review of 2009

As in previous years, I present my highly subjective review of the year.

Film
I managed to see all of the films that were nominated for Best Film, Best Actor or Best Actress category at the Oscars, mainly at the beginning of the year. My favourites were Frost/Nixon, Milk and Slumdog Millionaire (although I still think Trainspotting is a way better film). I also loved Moon, which won an award for best British Independent Film (although the OH hated it) and Rudo y Cursi, possibly the best football film ever.

Music
I may have to retire the music category if my apathy towards new music continues. I did get out and see a couple of bands - Maximo Park and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who were both fantastic and the support band at one of these gigs is my only new discovery of the year, Joe Gideon and the Shark. Rage Against the Machine being the Christmas Number One was probably my musical highlight of the year though.

Theatre
I achieved my aim of seeing at least one production for each month of the year, although amongst that list were some absolute stinkers. The highlights were seeing Sir Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart in Waiting for Godot, the one-man show Stefan Golaszewski Plays and the very funny The Priory, but my favourite was Three Days of Rain with the wonderful James McAvoy.

Television
In the post-Wire era, any comments about television shows need to be preceded with the phrase "Its not as good as The Wire, but...". So with that disclaimer in place, I was impressed by In Treatment (although 5 episodes a week was a huge committment), Curb Your Enthusiasm was excellent and The Daily Show continued to inform and entertain. Embarrassingly, I became addicted to Come Dine with Me, but I'm hoping to ween myself off it. On DVD, we rediscovered NYPD Blue, which isn't as good as The Wire, but...

Books
I read over 100 books this year so its a wonder I found time to do anything else. The best were Tropical Fish: Tales of Entebbe by Doreen Baingana, Giraffe by J M Ledgard and The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I also loved The Picture of Contented New Wealth by Tariq Goddard (I'm looking forward to his 5th book in 2010) and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley which left me wondering why it had taken me so long to get around to reading it.

You Look Just Like...

A conversation with my mother revealed that in her youth, someone said she looked like Gina Lollobrigida. Which set me thinking about how I have been told I look like.

I have been compared to the following people:

The Corrs (exact Corr not specified)

Happy with that so long as its not the male one.

Danni Minogue (circa Home and Away)

Didn't mind this. (It is very hard to find a photo of her pre-whatever it is she has had done to herself in recent years)

Katie Corkhill from Brookside

Less pleased with this one.

Sophie Ellis Bextor

Confused by this one.

A Gelfling from The Dark Crystal

This was meant as an insult I think.

Dec from Ant and Dec

The smaller one if you don't know - there are no photos of him on his own! Perhaps not as insulted by this as I should be. My friend who fancied him and had a photo of him next to her bed was more disturbed by it than me.

Rodney Bewes from The Likely Lads

This is the worst. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had said James Bolam, at least he was the cool one.

Suffice to say I don't think I look like any of them.

Who have you been told you look like?

25 Things about Me.

Roses posted a list of 25 things about herself with the invitation for others to do the same.
25? I struggled with the list of seven that was doing the rounds a while back. Apologies if some of these repeat things I’ve said before.

1. I have always looked pretty much the same as I do now, just in a different sized version.

2. I’m left-handed in terms of pen-holding, but do some things the right-handed way. I think I’m actually the opposite of ambidextrous in that I’m not good with either.

3. I found my first grey hair while I was waiting to go into a French lesson aged 15. If it wasn’t the invention of hair dye, I may be entirely silvered haired by now. I inherited this from my father.

4. I have claimed that The Monkees are better than The Beatles on more than one occasion because I know it annoys people, but I think I actually do prefer them.

5. I really love art and doing creative things, however I am generally rubbish at these things as I have no natural ability. An art exam at school was the one and only exam I’ve ever failed in my life.

6. I still find going to the cinema exciting, especially if the “Pearl & Dean” advert comes on before the film. The music sends a shiver of excitement down my spine.

7. My favourite clothing items are short black dresses and flared jeans, and I think I might be getting too old to wear either.

8. I can’t drive. I’ve never had a single lesson or attempt at it. I’ve just never been able to picture myself doing it and traffic scares me. I know I should do something to change this.

9. I grew up by the sea and still miss living by the sea (the smell of the salt air in the evening especially), but I never go on beach holidays.

10. I like spending time on my own and many of my favourite things are best enjoyed alone (swimming, reading and sometimes even going to the cinema)

11. I find it very difficult to relax. I’m either doing something or I’m asleep. There isn’t much of a middle ground.

12. I am such a bad singer that I don’t even like to sing to myself in private. I often have a song going round in my head though – today it is “Cover Girl” by New Kids on the Block which destroys any credibility I may have had. (My sister went to see them last week, that’s why I thought about it)

13. I don’t have much money, but given the choice between more money and more time, I’d definitely take the more time option.

14. I feel guilty about living far away from my family but in all honesty could not imagine myself living in my hometown again.

15. Aged 5, I organised a talent contest for the employees of my parents’ company and some of my toys. I was the judge. My toy Mickey Mouse won, my dad came second, my mum third. I was a very harsh judge of the other contestants.

16. I’ve just eaten some pumpkin seeds.

17. I know a little bit about a lot of things and am not an expert in anything.


18. I went swimming outside this morning even though it had been snowing.

19. I’m not a good cook, but I always enjoy anything I’ve cooked myself because of the sense of achievement. My family’s business was catering, so I used to see it as my small rebellion that I couldn’t.

20. I’m trying to do something good each day, no matter how small.

21. As a child, it was explained to me that films were different from normal television programmes because they were only on once. I went through a phase of crying if I’d missed a film on television because I thought I’d never get another chance to see it.

22. The best job I’ve ever had was working in a charity shop. Unfortunately it was unpaid. Other than that, it was ideal.

23. I worry constantly. About everything. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

24. I'm not at all competitive, which may be one reason why I was terrible at sport. I am however very competitive at pub quizzes.

25. I'm off to the theatre now.

Cultural Review of the Year 2008

Not a vintage year for culture in the Sanddancer household, but as I've done it each year before, I thought I'd continue the tradition.


Music
Live music was strictly old bands. Jesus and Mary Chain were consistently brilliant, MC5 playing with Primal Scream was legendary, but truth be told I probably enjoyed the WonderStuff the most. I ignored new music again, with the only new band making an impression was Vampire Weekend, mainly because I spent a pleasant lunchtime in a cafe with a glass of wine and a book and they were being played.


Theatre
I did go to the theatre quite a lot this year, as I was determined to make better use of the free tickets offered at work and I returned to my old amateur theatre. However, I didn't actually pay to see any professional shows this year so it wasn't really that representative of my usual taste. Billy Elliot was probably the best show I saw, although Wicked was a lot of fun too.



Film
The films I enjoyed the most this year were comedies, which again is unusual for me, but perhaps a sign that in gloomy times that is what is needed. I loved Juno and Burn After Reading made me laugh more than anything else I can remember. J K Simmons was in both films, a great underrated actor.


Television
The final series of The Wire wasn't perhaps as good as the previous four series, but was still way better than anything else. The Daily Show with John Stuart became must-watch television, especially during the American election. The SkyPlus Box has changed my life as I can now record daytime detectives.



Books
A new category for 2008 as I read more this year than I have in any year since I finished my degree. I discovered the books of Magnus Mills, a genius of deadpan and inventive alternative worlds, and I read all five of his full novels. I hope in 2009 he will write some more, but I hear he is working as a bus driver. Fup by Jim Dodge and Naive, Super by Erlend Loe were other short, quirky favourites, and I loved Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro and Light of Day by Graham Swift too.

One ticked off the list

I'm a list addict. I can't get enough of them. I've recently discovered the "1001 Books to Read Before You Die" (a feeble 9% read) and "1001 Films to See Before You Die" (a not great 24% seen). I haven't got around to the "1001 Albums" list yet - I'm too busy reading books and watching films.

I've mentioned our office works of art before, mainly to moan that I'm not a fan. Then yesterday, we had a woman arrange to come to the office specifically to see one of our pieces, because it is in the book "1001 Paintings to See Before You Die".

It had to be removed from the wall in our Chief Executive's office and brought down to reception for her to view it. She was apparently very pleased to have seen it and quizzed our operations manager on how much he knew about it (nothing) and how often he allowed himself to ponder it (never).

It is "The Edge of Night" by David Austen. It is a black square canvas with a blue line in the middle. I don't have any strong feelings towards it one way or another, although I do wonder if we could make a little money on the side by charging people to look at it.

I've definitely seen Picasso's "Guernica" too, so I can't have more than 999 left to see.

The Flickr Game

The Flickr Game, originally uploaded by sanddancer1.

The concept:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

(idea taken from Bibbity-Bob)

Tagged by Thoughts Running Through My Head

I've not been tagged before so I was pleased to receive the invitation, but then I found it difficult to think of anything that I probably haven't mentioned before. I'm also in a fairly navel-gazing reflective mood so I had to try hard not to fall into self-pity!

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to your blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So here we go:



7 Things about Me.

1. My mother was a Beauty Queen. I look like my father.

2. A male friend once said I was “very funny for a girl” which is both one of the most sexist and nicest things anyone has ever said about me

3. My friend’s dad used to drive us to school in the back of his furniture van. All of the other parents drove BMWs, Porsches and Jaguars.

4. I eat tomatoes every day.

5. The first film I went to see at the cinema without an adult was the Care Bear movie. I got lost going to the toilet and ended up outside on a building site!

6. The first concert I went to was The WonderStuff who played on the badminton courts at my local leisure centre when I was 15.


7. I went to the same school as the reporter Kate Aide (although years later), to university with Cilla Black’s son and work with someone who once dated Jerry Springer.

I am tagging the following:
Brain Drops
Chocolate and Cherries
Cut My Life into Pieces
Mellifluous Dark
Miss Forthright
Melanethos
A Girl in Winter

Variations on a Theme

It often seems to happen that little things in my life with coincide so it feels like a there is a theme. What I mean is that I will be reading a book about something and then quite by accident (or perhaps sub-consciously) I will watch a film or read a newspaper article on a similar subject. It happened a few months ago when I was watched Little Miss Sunshine and read Miss Wyoming, while the Miss World Competition was happening in the real world.

It has just happened again. Last night I went to see a film “The Inheritance”, that turned out to be a Scottish road movie (neatly coinciding with my weekend post). During the film I was contemplating the idea of a road movie in our small country, that you can really drive from one end to the other quite easily in a day. The film got around this by slowing the journey down by a) having a slow driver who wanted to take in the scenery, b) a useful navigator so they kept getting lost and c) a clapped out old camper van that broke down every so often.

Then there was a bit of dialogue in the film about Greggs. Greggs for anyone who doesn’t know (which means you definitely aren’t northern) is a chain of bakers. It started in the north where it is ridiculously popular – the high street of my hometown (which comprised about 40 shops) had 3 branches of it on that one road, plus a few others around the town. Pasties are their big thing. So these two brothers in the film, one who lived in London, the other who’d stayed in Scotland mention Greggs and I realised that Greggs is a huge subject in the north-south divide.

When I first left the north, I was horrified to find there were no Greggs in Norfolk. What was I supposed to eat? Babies in my town are fed Greggs pasties as soon as they are old enough to hold them. There were no Greggs in London when I first moved here either. So this became a valid topic of conversation, both with Southerners and with my family and friends on returning home, where I would have to gorge myself on their Cheese & Onion pasties every visit. Then a few years ago, they expanded and now there are quite a few in London. But here is the thing, they aren’t the same – the pasties are a different shape down here, smaller and of course, more expensive. So I never eat them down here, but now “the difference between Greggs in the north and south” has become a new topic of conversation when I return to the north.

So I concluded (during the film last night) that the issue of Greggs is the crux of the North-South issue.

This morning, I started reading the book “Pies and Prejudice: In Search of the North” by Stuart Maconie. It was a present from my friend who has never left the north as she thought it would be appropriate for a “northerner in exile”. Its easy enough reading, amusing but not life-changing. I felt that I could have written something similar myself. Within the prologue, he discusses whether a road trip is possible in England and Greggs the Bakers. Actually so far, I feel as if I have written it already.

So there it is, the common themes in my life at the moment are UK road trips and what a chain of bakers means to regional identity.

Scotophile

Many people declare themselves to be francophiles and occassionally I've heard people claim to be anglophiles, but today I've realised that I am a Scotophile. (Or is a Jockophile? Probably not)

Putting aside the cuisine (the very idea of haggis scares me), so many of my favourite things are Scottish. So I thought I'd make a list:

• Primal Scream (no huge surprise there as I have mentioned them umpteen times already and they have their own category on the blog!)
• Jesus and Mary Chain - I saw them again this week and they were still brilliant
• Malcolm Middleton and Arab Strap
• Belle & Sebastian
• Teenage Fanclub
• Deacon Blue (uncool but I love them and could happily singalong to the first two albums)
• Simple Minds (again not at all fashionable but who can deny the power of "Don't You Forget About Me)
• The song "The Second Summer of Love" by Danny Wilson
• Even The Proclaimers are better than most English pop
• The Loch Ness monster
• Glasgow
• Edinburgh
• Invereray
• Edwin Morgan - I've just discovered him (I'm somewhat out of the loop with poetry these days). He's way better than our poet laureate and his poem "When You Go" can reduce me to tears
• Ian Rankin, the man as well as his books
• "The Wasp Factory", "Complicity" and "Espedair Street" by Ian Banks
• Trainspotting, the book and the film
• The film "The Flying Scotsman" about cyclist Graeme Obree
• Jonny Lee Miller when he's pretending to be Scottish (as in the above films)
• Sean Connery
• Taggart
• Robbie Coltrane in Cracker
• This album "Ballads of the Book" which combines music with writers and poetry and looks fantastic and is on my 'to buy list'
  

I even like their politicians. While my Amercian colleague lusts over Alistair Darling (I kid you not), I have a bit of a thing for Alex Salmond and the SNP could have my vote.

7 Things about Me, Coffee and Tea

Around the web, people are doing these Seven Things pieces. At first I was struggling to think of seven things that regular readers wouldn’t already know, and then somehow I decided I had enough items to stick to the topic of tea and coffee (I can’t promise they will be very interesting).

1. I like my tea very weak – just make the briefest introduction between the bag and the contents of the cup. I have been known to dive across a room to fish out a teabag
2. I also like my tea made the traditional way of milk in first. This method was apparently used when people drank from fine bone china cups as it prevented the cups from cracking. With modern mugs it is no longer necessary but I prefer it that way
3. I prefer to drink tea from a mug/cup with a white interior
4. I gave up having a half a sugar in my tea for Lent when I was seven and now can’t stand even a sip of sugared tea
5. I’m not so fussy about how I take coffee, although churlishly I often prefer instant to proper coffee which tends to send me a bit bendy
6. Decaf coffee makes me feel sick, but half caf doesn’t make me feel half sick.
7. I’m always slightly suspicious of people who don’t drink tea or coffee. I don’t mind if they drink one and hate the other, but I find drinking neither very odd. I wonder what they do to break up the day at work and what they drink during difficult times (I’m a firm believer in a consoling cuppa). Even if I go on to become good friends with these non-drinkers, I will never fully trust them because of this.

I Don't Fancy Yours Much

I caught a bit of that Ewan McGregor travelling on his motorbike programme last night and I was reminded that the only time I’ve ever found him attractive is in Trainspotting. This is bizarre, perhaps worrying, but by no means an isolated incident as my taste in crushes has always been somewhat off kilter. They have fallen into three main categories:

The Dodgy Mancunian
I could say it is a musical thing, growing up on a diet of The Smiths, The Stone Roses and Joy Division, but that wouldn’t be strictly honest. Because as much as I have admired after Ian Brown and Johnny Marr, the first man from the north west I desired was Terry Duckworth, the errant son of Coronation Street stalwarts Jack and Vera Duckworth. Terry was always a wrong ‘un but for some reason I found him rather attractive. The passage of time has made me realise that I was clearly wrong.

The next manifestation was Shaun Ryder of the Happy Mondays, early days Happy Mondays I must point out when he had floppy hair, an arrogant swagger and the drug use hadn’t quite become abuse. Little did I know that he was going to evolve into a human slug like creature and I would bear the shame of once having fancies him on top of pity for him that it all went so wrong.

The Surly Scot
My love of Primal Scream and their frontman Bobby Gillespie has been well documented here, I’ve previously confessed to a liking for Ian Rankin but there lurks a dark secret. I really fancy Duncan Bannatyne, the dour, sour Scottish businessman from Dragon’s Den. There’s not much more to say about this really – I’m ashamed and embarrassed but there it is out in the open.

The Older Man
I have never ever been out with anyone older than me. Every partner has been around my age but usually a matter of weeks younger than me. And yet in the world of dream men, there have been quite a few of advanced years. As a child, I loved Gregory Peck which is understandable in that in his prime he was a fine figure of a man, but I also loved him as he was at the time, snow white haired. Then there is Anthony Hopkins. Again nothing wrong with him but at the height of my Anthony Hopkins phase, I was about 19, my friends all like Brad Pitt and the two of them were starring together in Legends of the Fall. I had to decline an invitation to see it as I was embarrassed that I’d be swooning over the wrong one.

However, the worst case of this love is my affection for the sadly deceased Paul Eddington. I loved him first in Yes Prime Minister and then in retrospect in The Good Life. IMDB describes him as a ‘tall debonair actor’ but it was his bumbling visible awkwardness that I loved. In real life he was unassuming and wanted his epitaph to be ‘He did very little harm’. I like that and I still like him, but now he’s gone I have to make do with Geoffrey Palmer.

All of this brings me onto the latest improbable crush. I’m still watching Prison Break despite the fact it is patently ridiculous and the reason for this is not the so-called star Wentworth Miller who is undoubtedly a very attractive being but now leaves me cold. My reason for viewing is Alexander Mahone (William Fitchner). He was the best thing in the second series, by virtue of being the best actor in it by a mile but in the third series, he’s toned, tanned and constantly shivering and sweating, a man on the brink of nervous collapse but he’s the one for me.

So now I’ve humiliated myself (believe me, I'm blushing here!), share your own guilty desires, please.

Catch Up

I haven’t felt particularly inspired to write anything much recently. Things are pretty much in neutral at the moment. But to stop the tumbleweed blowing through the blog, I thought I’d better write something, anything today.

So since I last posted, I’ve done the following things:

• Been out for drinks with three separate groups of friends
• Bought a pair of shoes called Sven!
• Started my photography course, but not taken a single picture (we are going at a slow pace!)
• Caught and almost got rid of a cold
• Been to one screening at the London Film Festival
• Dined in the flagship Carluccio’s for the first, but hopefully not last time
• Starting half-heartedly contemplating Christmas and NYE

The Usual Suspects

Last night it was back to the Raindance Film Club. The end of the festival left a void so it was good to be back in the warmth and comfort of the Raindance organisation once more.

The film being screened was Exhibit A, which I had already seen, but standing with the first twenty and last ten minutes broken up by opening and closing the door, so it was good to see it uninterrupted from a very comfy sofa and with the ultimate Raindance accessory, a free bottle of Cobra beer (something everyone associated with the festival developed an unhealthy obsession with).

The film was good – an interesting idea, well executed. I’m wary of recommending to anyone though on two grounds. Firstly it hasn’t got proper distribution yet, despite winning an award at the festival and being nominated for a few at the British Independent Film Awards, so I’m not sure if/when/how anyone will actually get to see it. Secondly, it isn’t a barrel of laughs – in fact it makes for very uncomfortable viewing, so much so that one woman ran out of the first screening of it and one of the actors said it wasn’t the sort of thing they’d want to watch.

Unexpectedly the screening last night was followed by Q&A with the producer. And here is where I’m going to rant. He seemed like a great bloke, he spoke eloquently but unpretentiously about his film. I had no problem with anything he said or did – but rather with the contributions from the audience. The people who attend these things and ask questions/make comments always confirm to set stereotypes. Of course, I’m not referring to the people I knew there who are all wonderful, witty, talented, smart, cool, amazing people, and noticeably weren’t of the most vocal group. The types I’m referring to are these, who were all presented and correct last night and will always show up at this type of event:

1. The Over-Familiar Expert – he (its normally a he) will talk to the speaker as if they are old mates and will quite persistently chase for snippets of information. Last night’s was keen to get the nitty-gritty budget details and was pretty dogged about it. He will also lavish praise on the speaker, but in a way that is reflecting back on himself e.g ‘I loved the dialogue. That is exactly how I would have done it’. His exact achievements in the world of cinema are unknown.
2. The Slightly Drunk, Slightly Aggressive Man with a Strong Accent - his comments aren’t always clear because of the combination of drink, accent and excitement. He is definitely enthusiastic but there is an edge to his comments and you feel things could turn at any minute. Last night’s was Scottish but I’ve encountered them from every part of the UK.
3. The Very Posh But Arty Emotional Woman – She is super confident, loves the sound of her own voice and is “keen to explore” some issue that is usually way off everyone else’s perception or interest. Despite being very definitely English, she will undoubtedly feel compelled to share some deeply personal information with the room. Last night’s tried to turn it onto the topic of the abuse she’d suffered and whilst I realise that its an awful thing to have gone through (not sure what exactly as the film wasn’t about abuse), my thoughts are that this is a film screening, not the Jeremy Kyle show.
4. The Grizzled Old Cynic – His comments are brief and barbed in comparison to the others. He’s been there and seen it all before. I actually don’t mind this type that much.
5. The Dog with Comedy Timing – Actually this one is probably unique to this film club (he was there last month too). I think he belongs to number 4. He had impeccable timing with his barking though and perhaps made the most astute observations of the evening.

I suppose though I belong to a sixth category - the people who will never say anything at all.

Heroes of the Week

1. Jim Reid
The second Friday in a row, I spent the evening watching The Jesus and Mary Chain. Once again they were brilliant, better by miles than most of today's young rock n roll upstarts. And the part played by their frontman can not be overplayed. He is the definition of cool, from the way he hangs on his mike stand to his insouciant 'hey hey heys' and 'ah ha has' .




2. Ian Rankin
His Rebus books are my stock travel readings, because they are pretty easy-going without the brain-numbness of Chick Lit. But the reason for his inclusion here is the answer he gave to an interview question in Metro this week. He was asked what he was bought with the money from the Rebus books, to which he replied 'I'm basically still living like a student. I've just bought loads of CDs, books and films, but I've just bought a USB turntable to convert my vinyl'. Truly a man after my own heart. (I find him quite attractive too - is this wrong?)




3. Elliot Grove
He is the founder of Raindance, the independent film festival and training company. He introduced the film on Wednesday night. I've met him before, but I'd forgotten how cool he is. Even when he's doing the hard sell on his festival or talking technical film speak. He's like a Canadian Christopher Lee (circa The Wicker Man) - that's a good thing.



4. Frankie Boyle
The cynical Scottish comedian who is the funniest person on 'Mock the Week' week after week. He's convinced the world is about to end, he's harsh, shows no mercy for anything or anyone, sometimes takes things too far. But he consistently makes me laugh, which is much needed when everywhere else is all death and destruction.


5. Chuck Klosterman
I came across his writing recently after following links on the Melanethos blog, and based on this I decided to give one of his books ago. I started with 'Killing Yourself To Live' which Chuck travels around the USA visiting the sites of rock n roll deaths. Boy, can this man write. I read it in about a day. I bought 'Chuck Klosterman IV' a collection of his essays for my trip to Scotland and again read that in record time. Highly recommended to anyone with an interest in music and pop culture (even he does look a bit like Corey Feldman!). I'm waiting for 'Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Pops' to arrive next, and I'm hoping he'll get a move on and write some more books as I'm running out.

6. The Abode Hotel in Glasgow
We recuperated here after the festival. I wish we could have stayed longer. It was the best hotel I've ever stayed in. Housed in an old Education Department Building, it had an old-fashioned elevator with a cage. Our room had a triple height ceiling, stained glass window, the world's most comfortable bed, and a shiny bathroom (I have a thing for hotel bathrooms - I think it might be the tiling!), as well as a flatscreen tv, cd/dvd player, robes etc. I think we may have been given a free upgrade, as I can't believe this was their standard level room - we had a sofa and armchair too and a vast amount of space. I could easily have lived there, but as that isn't possible, I'll definitely be having a break in another of their hotels.

7. Keira Knightly's Green Dress in Atonement
I've no intention of seeing the film as I can't stand Keira Knightly usually, but I've seen several pictures of this green dress this week, and it is stunning. I'm quite partial to a green dress myself anyway and this is devine.








I realise now that four of these Heroes are Scottish (I'm uncertain of the nationality of the dress!) - perhaps this week I wish I was Scottish.

A Song for Every Occasion

This morning I could hear our neighbour playing Underworld’s ‘Born Slippy’ and shouting “Lager, Lager, Lager”. It was 8.30am. Too early for Underworld in my opinion although it was a vast improvement on their usual choice of music – soulless R&B or what sounded like the euro-pop nightmare that is ‘Dr Jones’ by Aqua.

From the occasional times I’ve been able to hear their music, the neighbours, like many young people, seem to suffer from the modern musical malady of only listening to the sort of music played in clubs, regardless of the time of day or occasion. This niggles me – perhaps I have an unusually wide-taste in music, but really I do think there is a time and place for certain types of music, and there is really no need to be listening to the same tunes you were bumping n grinding to in Harrow’s finest meat market the morning after the night before.

Back in my youth when my suitors were the type to spend evenings at raves (how strange this sounds now!), they at least used to listen to something else when they got home. The nosebleed techno was reserved for the night out, replaced at home by the Orb, Pink Floyd, Stone Roses etc. So it can be done – there is a song for every occasion.

The Morning After the Night Before – you really need to bring it down a notch, but it doesn’t have to be one of those awful chill-out compilations or something featuring panpipes.
Recommendations: Most of ‘Screamadelica’ (skip Loaded and Movin’ on Up though at this point), Chemical Brothers songs featuring Beth Orton especially Alive Alone. ‘Some Velvet Morning’ by Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinatra, ‘Sugar Man’ either the original Sixto Rodriguez version or the Free Association cover.


Weddings – Whilst you don’t want to just let the DJ play any old rubbish, you should consider your guests and the mix of generations there is likely to be – so don’t just play the latest indie rock noise. I know from experience that Weekender by Flowered Up is not a suitable song for a wedding, even if the grandparents don’t realise what it is about, there are swearwords in there.
Recommendations: Anything on the Motown or Stax labels is good. Mothers-of-the brides love a bit of Marvin Gaye. Any 1960s stuff really – the Monkees especially. You’re on pretty safe ground with The Beatles, although I’d avoid Tomorrow Never Knows (too experimental) & Helter Skelter (the song that inspired the Manson Murders is probably not the mood you want)




Hairdressing Salons – my former hairdressers always had MTV on or worse MTV Bass. Awful. I don’t want to listen to this sort of music while I’m having my haircut. Having your haircut is just about as far away from clubbing as you can get, so why the banging music?Recommendations: Actually I’ve come a bit unstuck with this one as I can't really think what is the best music for having a trim to, without resorting to weak puns like songs by the Cutting Crew or Haircut 100. Perhaps silence is the best thing or maybe something classical? Any suggestions?

Firsts

Sometimes life becomes all routine, so here is a list of things that happened to me for the first time last week:

• I attended my first ever fashion press preview, courtesy of the Arcadia Group, on Wednesday, where I got my first glimpse of the new season's clothes for Topshop, Miss Selfridges, Dorothy Perkins and less excitingly Evans.
• I bought my first piece of Mac make-up, a satin lipstick in 'Myth'
• My mother came to stay and saw our new flat for the first time
• I met the landlords/owners of the flat above us for the first time and they are reassuringly nice & helpful
• I ate in Pitta Great on Portobello Road for the first time
• We took a boat trip along the Serpentine for the first time
• I dipped my feet in the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain for the first time - it was actually the first time I'd seen it as I'd mistakenly thought another fountain in the park was that for the past few years.

And cheating slightly, the sun came out at the weekend for the first time in what seemed like ages.

The Ultimate Supergroup (pt 2)

Now for my choices:

Starting with the easiest part - the drummer. It may be a huge cliché but I think it has to be Keith Moon. He inspired a Muppet for goodness sake! He was also the best looking member of The Who by a mile so imagine how good this band is going to be if even the drummer is attractive!

I’ve already said I’m happy with Hendrix, but if I had to choose another, then it would be Johnny Marr. I’ve seen Morrissey live and he played a few Smiths songs, and whilst they were good, without Marr there was something missing. I’m no musician so struggle to describe how good he is, but even other guitarists struggle to explain his greatness. Noel Gallagher said it was Marr that first inspired him to learn guitar and then said words to the effect of ‘Johnny Marr – he’s so good, that even he isn’t that good’

Keyboard is difficult as I’ve struggled to think of many. Someone on the radio had suggested whoever is the keyboard player from Kraftwerk and whilst their influence on dance music cannot be denied, they’ve always left me cold so I’ll be leaving them out. As a reformed Doors-fan I’m not letting Ray Manzarek near the line-up either. So I think it would have to be Rob Collins, from the Charlatans, which I’ll admit is a hugely personal choice. The moog sound was an important element of their early songs, and I don’t think they were ever as good after he died. Kurt Cobain was supposed to be the voice of my generation, but I can remember just as clearly finding out that Rob Collins had died – I was in the brief period between finishing university and starting work, and somehow it felt like it marked the end of an era.

My group is definitely having a bass player, but I’m torn between Peter Hook and Mani. Hooky’s low-slung bass is iconic and being in New Order and Joy Division means he’s played on some of the best records, but then Mani’s been in The Stone Roses and Primal Scream. I think Mani might just edge it because a) Peter Hook looks too much like the OH’s dad, and b) I’ve met Mani a couple of times over the years and he is great bloke & can be relied upon to give a great interview.

The singer presents an even greater problem. As the line-up is so far all male, I did consider a female vocalist – Martha Reeves, Dusty Springfield,, Shara Nelson, even Dolly Parton – all have sublime voices, but I’m not sure they’d work with rest of the band. Grace Slick might work but she's gone down in my estimation since I'd found out she had rejoined the band when Jefferson Airplane mutated in Starship.

Other contenders: Frank Black (Pixies) but you’d need Kim Deal was well; Mick Jagger in his prime but I fear he’s sullied the image by not having the good grace to retire; Morrissey perhaps but then it would really just be The Smiths reformed.

I like my frontmen to have swagger, which rules out the wet-boys fronting most recent bands. Everything they’ve done since the first album has been unremarkable, but really I do think Liam Gallagher is a good frontman – he has that arrogance – unfortunately Oasis are the band of choice of a generation of louts so I'm not picking him. Before my brain melts entirely, I'm going to pick Arthur Lee (Love) - he had a distinctive voice and was a bit of a lunatic, not afraid of a bit of self-mythologising.

So there you have it (eventually). Who would you pick?

The Ultimate Supergroup (pt 1)

This morning on the constantly awful Nick Campbell radio show on Radio 5 (why do we listen to this?), they had a feature on the ideal supergroup. I'm not sure who had conducted this survey or who they'd asked but the results were as follows:

• Singer - Freddie Mercury


• Guitar - Jimi Hendrix


• Keyboards - Elton John


• Drums - Phil Collins

With the exception of Hendrix, I'd rather gouge my eyes out than have to listen to that lot.

I hate Queen with a passion and am bewildered by their popularity. So far nobody has been able to explain their appeal to me satisfactorily. I've however heard some frankly ridiculous conspiracy theories from fans who refused to believe Mercury was homosexual and thought it was all lies spread to discredit him. Discredit him from what and how I don't really understand and it would suggest that a band called Queen attracts a surprisingly high number of homophobes.

Phil Collins I thought wasn't particularly famous for being a good drummer, just for being a drummer who became a singer (and after they treated Peter Gabriel appallingly).

Elton - I don't mind a couple of his old songs (Daniel, Rocket Man) but he's still wouldn't get in my dream team and hasn't done anything decent for decades.

Jimi, I've no problem with staying in the line-up, but I think it does him a disservice to just have him as a guitarist - he was more than just a brilliant guitarist, he was a great singer and frontman.

And why isn't there a bass player in this group? Unless the supergroup is being modelled on The White Stripes, I think a bass player is essential - the rhythm section is incomplete without one.

So having rubbished this selection, who would I have instead? This requires further thought and I'll be later with my answer.

(to be continued...)

Icons of Style

Surely after those pictures of Victoria Beckham yesterday in that outfit, there can’t be anyone left who considers this woman a style icon? I’m not going to sully my blog with a photo of her because frankly it makes me feel ill. What did she look like? What exactly is it she does these days, what is it she’s famous for now? As far as I can tell her only talent is for making very expensive clothes look like they were bought from Shepherds Bush Market.

So for anyone feeling bereft of a style icon today, I thought I’d put together a little list of my own. I’ve not gone for the really obvious choices but a few of my person favourites. In particular, I’m avoiding Audrey Hepburn because she was possessed of such an ethereal beauty that most of the population is on a hiding to nothing trying to emulate her.

1. Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver

I realise that she was an underage prostitute and ordinarily that isn’t a great look, but if you want to dress like a whore, she’s the whore to dress like. I love the hat, I love the hot pants, I love the sunglasses, I love the colours. Miles more class and style than VB.

2. Margo Leadbetter, The Good

Life

While the OH goes gooey for Felicity Kendal's cutesyness in The Good Life, I much prefer Margo. Yes, she's a terrible snob, but look at her clothes! She is always overdressed, but glorious. Speaking as someone who has just moved further into the suburbs, I know how it feels to be overdressed in suburbia. And she was married to Paul Eddington, a great example of an English man, reserved and slightly awkward, but lovely - I'd take him over squeaky-voiced David Beckham anyday.

3. Karen O, Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I loved the Yeah Yeah Yeahs before I'd laid eyes on Karen O, but she is just so cool. Her stage clothes are usually made by the designer, Christian Joy (the dress above being one I saw at the V&A recently) so she's a proper modern day muse. Maps is one of my all time favourite songs too.

4. Beth Orton (singer songwriter)

Possibly the opposite of Karen O, Beth Orton' style is pretty relaxed, but she always looks good. Whenever she has a new record out, I'm always keen to look at the pictures of her to see what she's wearing and what haircut she's got. In the flesh, she's got a slight gawkiness to her, that gives her a certain vulnerability that I find endearing. I'd also include Dot Allison (ex of One Dove) in the same category but can't find any pictures of her.

5. Diane Keaton

She's was offbeat in Annie Hall, great in The Godfather, but to me she is even better now. She was just stunning in As Good As It Gets. I couldn't concentrate on the film for waves of envy of her, her beauty, her beautiful neutral clothes and her beautiful neutral house.