Where did you go to, my lovely

Any post you can start with a reference to a Peter Sarstedt lyric is a good one, surely? *

So what have I done in the intervening time?

I was living in a London suburb, working in another suburb. My world had shrank. Away from the cosmopolitan craziness of central London, I found myself with very little to write about.

Then I changed jobs. I went to work for one of the world's largest online retailers (don't describe them as a bookshop - they really don't like that). It was a contract position, but the HR person assured me that it was just the initial term and it would be renewed if things worked out. It turns out that their employment practices are just as dodgy as their tax arrangements - contrary to what I was told, contracts weren't ever renewed to avoid giving any employment rights.  So I spent months worrying about the job not being permanent - I also increased the account I was responsible for from £0.8 million to over £2.5 million. I didn't manage to secure a permanent job there and although I was told I could take another contract back there after a six month break, I started looking for something else.

In the middle of this, somewhat crazily for someone without a permanent job, we moved, buying a house in a village in Home Counties. It is lovely - I had no regrets in this. No longer having upstairs neighbours for one thing is a huge improvement.

Then I found a permanent job, back in a vaguely charitable field and back in central London. Not ideal when you no longer live in London, but I needed the money. And this is where I find myself now.  With an hour and half commute each way again each day, in a job that in ten months has managed to leave me physically exhausted and emotionally wrecked. It is a toxic environment that has shattered my self-confidence totally. 

Its been a tough year and I thought that returning to this blog, might give me a release for some of it. I don't want it to be just work-related moans, although that will undoubtedly be part of it as I don't have that much else going on.


*Not that I know any other Peter Sarstedt songs

Life without Coffee

I have given up coffee. I am now in Day 5 of Life without Coffee.

I haven't had headaches or any of the withdrawl symptoms I'd read about, but it hasn't been fun. I don't think I miss the coffee itself that much, but rather the ritual of coffee drinking.
At work, it breaks up the day, giving me a reason to get up from my desk for a break every few hours. So I've invested in some fruit tea so I can still have something to drink (do) at work.

But more than the work habit, I love the thought of sitting in cafes, enjoying a latte, perhaps with a cake or pastry. And cakes, pastries and biscuits just don't go with fruit tea, but then I should probably be giving up those too.

Today is going to be tough. Sundays were made for reading the papers with an endless steam of coffee. And despite thinking I was doing well, last night I actually dreamt about breaking my coffee-fast, dreaming about having a coffee in an art gallery cafe. I was pleased when I woke up and realised that I hadn't "fallen off the wagon", but the dream illustrates that as well as giving up biscuits etc, I may also have to give up on galleries and museums in case their cafes prove to be too much temptation!

(I'm still drinking regular tea, but I take my tea so weak that the caffeine content must be negligible. Once I get over coffee, I may get rid of the tea too, but one step at a time)

Eloped (sort of)

For once I have a very good reason for not posting for a while. The OH and I got married!

We did it on our own in the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. We did tell family and friends in advance so it technically isn't eloping, but I did it without informing readers of my blog, so for these purposes, we did elope.

The service was lovely and initmate. The mini-moon to the Napa Valley was fabulous (plenty of wine tastings and gorgeous scenery).

There is a slight downside to this story. We are now stranded in San Francisco due to this volcanic ash business. We should have left yesterday and at the moment the earliest flight available is 30th April, considerably extending the honeymoon. But I can think of worse things to happen - like actually going back to work, so we are making the best of it.

Less Happens

I don't think that central London is the centre of the universe, and I'm sure people who have nothing to do with London lead exciting lives, but since I stopped working in central London, I've had less to say here. Away from the assorted tourists and nutcases that inhabitat central London and the underground system, my daily life has become decidedly uneventful.

The now-not-so-new job isn't great, it has its ups and its downs, but it doesn't inspired me on way or another to write about it as it really isn't that interesting. Tellingly the best thing I can find to say about the whole experience is that there is a great cafe nearby that does a great latte and I'm ignoring that common bit of money saving advice about not buying coffees on your way into work.

One thing I am doing a lot of is going to the theatre. Oh the irony of having left the theatre industry, I now find myself going to the theatre more than I did before. The reason I'm going more is actually related to having left working in it, as I'm now on a judging panel for theatre awards, which I couldn't do while I worked there. I would have more than enough material to write a theatre-related blog if I could be bothered.

Inauspicious Start to 2010

New Year’s Day, i woke up feeling dodgy. Not on account of the Cava consumed the night before, which was adequately absorbed by the copious nibbles. I was coming down with a cold. So once we got back from our jaunt to Exeter, I spent the next couple of days confined to the house.

Sniffles had cleared up sufficiently to go into work on Monday, determined to be a dynamic go-getter in 2010. I spent the morning reading emails, listening to colleagues grumble and trying to get warm. Then around lunchtime the electricity went off. It didn’t come back on, so we were sent home.

Today, I arrive at the office to find it is still in darkness. The rest of the building has their power back, but for some reason (unpaid bills?) not our office.

On the positive side, it is easing me back into the working routine, but foiling my plans to be dynamic.

Good Week , Bad Week

On Sunnday the washing machine broke.



On Monday there was a leak coming from upstairs. The tenants don't care. The landlord won't answer her phone to me, following the last time when they flooded our place and she claimed it was nothing to do with her. We have turned the water supply off. 3 days without water hasn't bothered the tenants - we have been showering in the morning while they are still asleep.



On Tuesday my colleague bought me a plant to cheer me up. I was so touched I almost cried



On Wednesday, I won £10 on the lottery and laughed a lot at a play at the Royal Court Theatre



On Thursday, I attended my first AGM at the new job and I was personally thanked for something during the Chair's speech.

On Friday, the washing machine was fixed. I spoke to the insurance company, their legal assistance department, the Environmental Health department of the Council and the water company about the leaking from upstairs. Whilst the landlord is legally responsible for it, it could months of us taking them to court to force them to have the problem fixed. In the meantime, I have been advised to "take down the ceiling" ourselves to stop it collapsing and that I could be prosecuted for depriving the upstairs flat of water even though we have tried every means to contact the tenants and the landlord.

On balance an awful awful week with no signs of anything getting any better.

Hard Day at the Track

Coming out of my work-based bubble, I'm slowly re-emerging in the real world and socialising again.

This weekend it included a day at the races as a guest of the Queen.

Indirectly.

The girlfried of a friend is PA to someone or other at Buckingham Palace and she was offered tickets for Ascot through her work. I went because it was a day out, a chance to dress up and most importantly, it was free.

The Premier Enclosure was rather disappointing - nowhere near as exclusive as I had hoped - in fact more people seemed to have the special pink badges than didn't. And more than a few people flauted the dresscode - there was many a man in a pink shirt sans tie.

I had what is termed a small flutter on the races. I know next to nothing about horse racing, odds or gambling, but you have to indulge a little I feel. Of the seven races, I gambled on just three, using equally unscientific methods in choosing my horse each time.

In the first race, I went with number 3 as number 3 has always been my lucky number, although I've never lucky and have no idea where the notiion came from that this was my lucky number. It failed to place.

In another race, I backed "Roker Park" drawn to the name as it was the name of Sunderland football team's old ground. Not that I'm a diehard football fan - I'm rather a typical fair weather supporter and supporting Sunderland an accident of birth rather than any great loyalty to them. In typical Sunderland fashion, the horse ran an unspectualar race, finishing second last.

But I did have a win. Ever cautious, I placed the minimum each way bet on a horse called Joshua Tree. I was thinking about Gram Parsons, rather than U2. It came from behind to win, and I went home £48 richer. Not enough to change my life, but it covered the cost of Pimms and the train ticket there and then some.

Changes

Whereas before I took a train then a tube to work, now I take the bus. Two buses in fact.

This is just one of the changes involved in the change of jobs.

Where I was in the arts before, I'm now in the Voluntary & Community Sector.
Where I worked in central London before, I'm now on the outskirts
Where my job had a UK-wide remit before, I'm now working at a local level in one borough
Where I worked 10 to 6, I now work 9 to 5

Its a lot of change. I'm still exhausted by it all. I'm still not sure what to make of it.

On the plus side, I have a new health club and whilst I am missing my outdoor swimming, this place is clean and quiet.

I'm not a technophobe but...

Mobile phones are a necessary evil of the modern world, but frankly they bore me. And nothing marks someone out as inane so much as endless obsessing and talking about new phones.

Now I've realised why this is.

Changing mobile phones is time-consuming. Doing it regularly probably doesn't leave you with much time for outside interests.

My old phone had become increasingly random, which was bad since it was always temperamental. So I took the free upgrade. Its a good thing I have a week off work as there is no way I could fit this around a full time job.

Waiting in all day for the phone to be delivered.
The endless switching, removing and inserting of Sim cards
The hours of charging
Phoning to register the phone.
Not completing the call because it turns out I need to do something else with the Sim card first.
More struggling with the Sim and the battery

I'm surrounded by pieces of phone, old and new, packaging, accessories and instructions that don't quite explain things fully enough.

And that is before I've even attempted to use the new phone, which has more functions than my computer. All I want from it are the basic phone calls and texts, for them to work overseas and for the battery not to need charging constantly.

Exit Stage Left

I no longer work in the theatre industry. I imagined telling the company where they could stick their job, making a speech to set the record straight and dancing gleefully out of the office. But of course I didn't do any of that. I worked my notice as diligently as ever, mumbled my thanks at my leaving do and left quietly, still with some feelings of doubt and regret.

I'll miss a handful of people in the office and several more across the industry, plus a few other things that made the days bearable.

I'll miss the outdoor swimming, and despite the rocky start, I'll miss the "Bums, Tums and Thighs" class (I had farewell more teary with the instructor than with any of my colleagues).

I'll miss the smiling man who hands me the London Paper every night and the woman who sells the Big Issue.

I'll miss lunches from Food for Thought. I'll miss the shops, although my savings plan won't. I'll miss the journey to work that I can do without even thinking.

But I won't miss the job and I won't miss the department. And perhaps I will be able to re-enter somewhere down the line.

Carnival!

I stepped out of my door, with the intention of taking the bus to the library, when I became aware of the sound of a marching band. There was no traffic in the direction I was going and then I noticed that people were standing in their gardens, on their doorsteps and on the curb.

A sign of the times, I wondered whether it might be a parade by an extremist group, but it turned out to be the local carnival. I had no idea it was happening but clearly it was a very big deal for other locals. Besides the crowds lining the street, which increased as I walked down the road, some shops had even closed for the day, with signs in their windows saying "See you at the Carnival".

So I slowed down and lingered a while to see the parade. As parades go, it wasn't really that impressive, but the fact that I saw some semblance of community for the first time seemed more important.

Having seen the entire parade pass by (a marching band, a beauty queen, one small float, a group with decorated umbrellas, some army cadets and their tank and some drummers), I decided to continue my journey to the library but as the traffic was being held someway back, I thought it best to walk. This meant that for a good ten minutes, until our routes diverged, I looked as if I was joining with the parade!

All in all, it was a cheery little event, but without the more colourful elements of the parade around it, the sight of the minature army and tank going down the high street might have been a bit troubling.

Escape from The Rut

I've been in The Rut for a long time. I've been bored and unchallenged, my mind was rotting. I filled up my time with "projects" to distract me, so I wouldn't dwell on The Rut too much. I'd made The Rut quite comfortable, made the best of it.

Then this week, I seem to have found a way out of The Rut. A new opportunity. A proper step in the right direction. Something challenging but perfectly possible.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to leave The Rut behind. But why don't I feel happier about it? Its the little things that make The Rut bearable that I'm worried about leaving behind. And that,strangely enough, I worked so hard to get into The Rut in the first place, that it feels like quitting to leave it behind.

Still it is all "subject to references" which is quite a bit thing when one of the problems with The Rut other people taking credit for things you've done. So I may not quite be out of The Rut yet.

You Look Just Like...

A conversation with my mother revealed that in her youth, someone said she looked like Gina Lollobrigida. Which set me thinking about how I have been told I look like.

I have been compared to the following people:

The Corrs (exact Corr not specified)

Happy with that so long as its not the male one.

Danni Minogue (circa Home and Away)

Didn't mind this. (It is very hard to find a photo of her pre-whatever it is she has had done to herself in recent years)

Katie Corkhill from Brookside

Less pleased with this one.

Sophie Ellis Bextor

Confused by this one.

A Gelfling from The Dark Crystal

This was meant as an insult I think.

Dec from Ant and Dec

The smaller one if you don't know - there are no photos of him on his own! Perhaps not as insulted by this as I should be. My friend who fancied him and had a photo of him next to her bed was more disturbed by it than me.

Rodney Bewes from The Likely Lads

This is the worst. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had said James Bolam, at least he was the cool one.

Suffice to say I don't think I look like any of them.

Who have you been told you look like?

That New Car Smell

Next week I turned 34.

Invariably when I mention my age, people will be surprised and comment that I look a lot younger. I accept that I probably do look younger than 34, but I have lost that youthful glow. The gloss has gone.

I was finding it hard to describe this, but then last week I saw John Stewart interviewing the 21 year old star of Slumdog Millionaire. Stuart was comparing himself with the young actor, and saying how fresh the actor was. The way he described it was that he (at 46) might not look too bad, but he had lost "that new car smell".

This perfectly describes how I feel.

So much for January

Where did it go? What did I do?

In summary:

Had a haircut and changed where my hair is parted (a subtle change)
Celebrated the 60th birthdays of the OH and my remaining parents
Caught a bug
Dined out using some discount vouchers

In a word, uneventful.

Highlights of 2008

I'm not going to dwell on anything negative about 2008, so here are some highlights.


Best Holiday
Most of my holiday time was absorbed by wedding-related activities, but even if I'd been on a dozen holidays, it would have been hard to beat our week in San Francisco. I loved it so much, I'm going back again in 2009.

Best Wedding
Is it wrong to compare weddings? I went to so many, it seems an obvious category. My sister's wedding wins easily. It wasn't the most lavish, the most expensive or even the most romantic, but everyone had such a good day. I spent all day either laughing, smiling or crying! She did have the best cake too.

Best Meal
Brunch of "Vanilla French Toast with Warm Berries" at the Cafe de la Presse in San Francisco. Not something you can eat everyday, but so gorgeous I still think about it months later. A late runner-up would be our meal on New Year's Eve at Jamie Oliver's Italian restaurant in Bath - great service, great food and very reasonable prices.

Best Discovery
The outdoor swimming pool near work. Not that I'm ending the year any fitter, but I did give it a good go at various points and I hope to improve in 2009.

Life is far from perfect but I'm entering 2009 with a roof over my head, a secure job and a great OH and family.

Happy New Year!

The Loop

I went to a concert last week with Girl A. At the concert we meet up with another friend of mine Girl B and Boy X. Girl A and Girl B know each other through me and I know Boy X through Girl B. Girl A and Boy X had not met before.

However during the course of the evening, Girl A and Boy X took a liking to each other. Girl B (who is happily married to someone else) didn’t seem to too pleased about this and decided to leave, to “get Boy X away from Girl A.

This week, I receive an email from Boy X asking if it would be ok for him to ask Girl A out for a drink. He had cc-ed the email to Girl B. I asked Girl A and she was pleased so I passed her email address on to him.

A few hours later, I had an email from Girl A demanding to know if I’d passed on her details because he hadn’t been in touch. I told her to be patient. Then Girl B emailed to ask if I knew whether they were going out yet. I told her that I had passed on the email address and that was all. She then replied saying “Keep me in the loop”.

This morning, there was an email from Boy X thanking me for sorting things out and then another from Girl A asking if Boy X knows that she has been married. I don’t know what he knows about her. I've not said anything other than pass on her email.

I’m not going to keep Girl B in the loop. I don’t want to be in the loop myself. If they go out and like each other, that’s great. But otherwise I don't want to be kept informed. Its getting awkward already.

Staying In

One of my myriad of faults is that I’m scared of missing out on something. This means I’m usually the last to leave the pub just in case something interesting happens and I rarely turn down invitations just in case something is amazing. This goes double for anything I’m invited to that happens to be free.

In the last week, this policy has meant that I was out five nights in a row.

Thursday night – launch party of a vodka bottle (free)
Friday night – pub for friend’s birthday
Saturday night – cinema and meal
Sunday night – work awards ceremony (free)
Monday night – benefit concert

This might be fine if you are twenty-something, but I’m not and even if my mind won’t accept it, my body is there to remind me.

Yesterday, I was exhausted and craving a night in. Then I was offered a ticket to the James Bond Premiere tonight. I deliberated all day. The devil on one shoulder shouting “It is free. It is glamorous. You wouldn’t want to miss out” whilst the angel on the other said “look the last one was rubbish, there is nothing glamorous about sitting in a cold cinema in posh dress waiting around for hours for the queen and you don’t like Bond films anyway”.

In the end I didn’t accept the offer, which is progress for me. As evening approaches I’m glad I’m going to be spending it with the OH, my sofa and television, but a little bit of me still thinks “what if it is really great?”

My October

Aware that I have been silent again for most of the month, a quick round-up.

I have:

Volunteered at an independent film festival again which consisted of;

• Lots of crowd control (aging session musicians are the worst)
• Seeing 3 features, 12 shorts and 5 documentaries
  Drinking free cocktails made from Tuaca (tastes nice but lethal)
• Being in the same room as celebrities of various degrees including; Faye Dunaway, Mark Benton, Richard Hawley and Corey Fieldman
• Meeting Adam Yauch from the Beastie Boys
  

Joined another library because the 200,000 book in my Borough aren't enough

Contemplated becoming a documentary film maker

Learnt how to prepare for and deal with a terrorist attack

Continued to dodge the Lucky Heather Sellers

Lucky Heather

I’m accustomed to weaving my way between Big Issue sellers, Chuggers and Living Statues in my lunch hour, but recently their ranks have been joined by another group looking for money; Lucky Heather Sellers.

Whilst you might be moved to give money to the Big Issue sellers or the fundraisers (encouraging those living statues is inexcusable), I’ve yet to see anyone parting with their money to a Lucky Heather Seller. When I’ve been feeling particularly glum, I have contemplated it, wondering if that is what is wrong with my life, but I’ve never actually succumbed. Ever the rationalist, I realise that if I want to change my life, I have to do something more about it than purchase a dried up weed from a buxom woman who accosts me in the street. Luck does play a part in most successes, but I doubt this product comes with a guarantee.

So I’ve ruled out buying it. But what about selling it? Is this a profitable business? The outlay is presumably pretty small (you could pick plants growing in the wild for free), but it is labour intensive, hanging around the street all day haranguing passers-by. My haranguing skills aren’t up to much anyway. Another career change ruled out.