Tuesday, February 27, 2007

State of Independence

I think I may be too independent for my own good.

I've never been the type to need a boyfriend and I'm quite happy to do things on my own. Despite chronic shyness and woefully low-self esteem, I've still always been pretty independent - I never got home sick as a child or at university like many people seemed to and at 21 I moved to London, where I didn't really know anyone and lived on my own for 2 years.

My oldest friend is the opposite - outwardly very confident but cannot even go on holiday and couldn't go away to university because strange environments bring on panic attacks. However, who is better off? She has a boyfriend who does pretty much everything for her or where he doesn't his father does. All her previous boyfriends were the same. When I told her we were having troubles buying the flat, she said 'P's dad did all that for us. I don't even know how much our mortgage is'.

The current flat buying process, I have done pretty much the whole thing. I've spoken to estate agents, solicitors, banks, insurers. I've never bought a property before yet somehow its been left to me to sort out because apparently I'm 'good at this sort of thing'. Which is all very flattering but I'm a nervous wreck. I wonder if perhaps my life would have turned out better if I'd been a bit less independent and had people do things for me instead?

My friend Liz says she took charge when her & her now-husband bought a flat too but she wouldn't have had it any other way as she is self-confessed control freak and aren't I glad I'm in control? My mother says that once its all done, I should feel satisfied as I will have done it myself which is better than relying on someone else to do things for you. I know deep down that they are probably both right, but sometimes it does feel as if I've made life difficult for myself.

6 comments:

M said...

Being an indpendent woman rocks. It's also very sexy.

Embrace it fully.

SandDancer said...

I know - it just doesn't feel that way at the moment (and the bad haircut isn't helping!)

M said...

Defy it all -- bad haircut, shaky feelings - with attitude, attitude, attitude. Put it out there and WORK IT!

northern monkey said...

I'm a control freak and can't help taking over everything - I did all our house buying stuff too and it is stressful and nervewracking, but at the end it's so satisfying thinking 'I did all that and it all came together'

I just can't understand people who are happy to let others do everything for them. I have a friend who is the same. Everytime there's an issue, she just calls her boyfriend up, who drops everything to sort stuff out for her - I think it would kill me being that reliant on someone, but then since I was a child my dad has called me little miss bloody independent!

Roses said...

The problem with relying on other people to sort your stuff out for you, is that there will come a time when they can't/won't.

Besides, if you do it yourself, you know it'll get done and get done properly.

The trick is to know when to ask for help.

SandDancer said...

Thank you for the replies. In the heat of the moment when I'm feeling stressed I think it would be nice if things were different, but deep down I know I would hate to be reliant on someone else too and that I like to be in control. From a practical point of view too it is probably alot easier for the just one person to be talking to these people as it might get confusing.