The Most English of Afternoons

The OH has become a member of Surrey County Cricket Club which means he gets free entry to selected games and entry into the members pavilion. So yesterday afternoon we went down to the Oval to watch a bit of country cricket and (more importantly) have afternoon tea. Can you think of a more English way to spend an afternoon?

I was actually quite excited about our trip as I'd never seen a proper game of cricket before (OH & his friends playing does not count) but the OH warned me not to get too excited as the game was already pretty certain to end in a draw. Cricket is a bizarre passtime in that respect, in that often the result is secondary to the spirit of the game.

We arrived during the lunch break so had time for a quick look around the facilities before settling down with our drinks to watch the game (Surrey v Warwickshire, if you're interested). The match umpires walked past us on their way to the pitch and one of them (a little bald Welshman) gestured to the OH and said 'I've always wanted to do what you are doing, watch the cricket with a beautiful young lady and a beer, but I never get the chance'. I was rather embarrassed by this and could only draw the conclusion that cricket umpires like football referees must suffer from poor vision as I'm not sure I count as young anymore (although by county cricket watching standards, I suppose I was) and nobody has ever accused me of being beautiful before!

Anyway, we watched a few overs and saw Mark Ramprakash make a century, but then, as must be almost a daily hazard, rain stopped play and we were forced to return inside. Although it wasn't quite 3 o'clock yet, we decided to bring forward our afternoon tea, selecting a table by the window with a view of the field should play resume.

Seated at the table behind us were three men, one of whom had a very distinctive voice and was talking quite excitedly about problems he'd had with his Visa card in the USA. 'Is that Alan Wicker?' I asked the OH, not particularly seriously, but it turned out it was! A man who was famous for travelling around the globe and then went on to advertise a credit card was sat behind us, talking insistently about troubles with creditcards whilst on holiday! He eventually left behind the topic of credit cards and proceeded to go on a 'namedrop-athon' which took in Gaby Logan, Elton John and Michael Grade. Whilst we were happy to tuck into our tea, sandwiches, scones and cakes, we struggled to have our own conversation as Alan's monologue seemed much more interesting.


When we could eat and drink no more (the OH having exceeded his usual weekly tea dose in one sitting), we had one last look around the ground, but the rain was still coming down, so we decided to leave. As it happens, play did resume later but as expected it was still a draw so we didn't really miss much.

It just isn't cricket (Pt 2)

The news that Pakistan Coach Bob Woolmer was murdered!

Suddenly cricket has become rather exciting - more the stuff around it (murder, drunken goings-on etc) rather than the game iteself which remains a slow-burning acquired taste.

I have to remind myself though that is real life rather than an episode of Morse. But I don't think I'm alone - when his death was first announced David Gower said to a reporter 'It's wrong to speculate, but..' before forcing the reporter to do just that. He seemed to be enjoying it all far too much but I suppose it was a welcome respite from talking about England's lacklustre performances.

I've been trying to get the OH to give me a list of possible suspects as my own knowledge of Pakistan cricket is rather limited. I only know the big one who doesn't like running (probably not stealthy enough for murder and he looks like he's quite nice!), the one who used to be the only Christian in the team until he converted to Islam and his run rate increased enormously, possibly the strangest religious propoganda ever (too busy praying?) and the one whose name sounds like actor (Aktar?) who is like a bad actor when he appeals and reminds me of Dev from Coronation Street (he isn't the squad this time so in the clear). My other suspect was Imran Khan but apparently he isn't involved in cricket anymore and has moved into politics.

I know its wrong to find it exciting but I do love a mystery.

It just isn't cricket

When the OH was in Australia, one of his hosts gave him a gift of two talking figurines, "Boonie and Beefy" ( in the likeness of somebody Boon a famous Australian cricketer and Ian Botham).

They were produced by the cricket sponsors Victoria Beer and when activated they banter with each other, Boonie taunting Beefy with jibes about us being rubbish at cricket and drinking warm beer etc. They are cleverly programmed to start talking to coincide with the games of cricket starting and to then make the odd comments during the course of the game. Unfortunately the Botham one is blatantly an Australian trying to speak in an English accent which ruins the effect somewhat.




'Great more plastic tat' I thought, but the OH seemed chuffed with them so what harm could it do to allow them to live with us for a while...

Imagine my fright at being awoken at 3am by the sound of an Australian talking in the lounge. It took me a few minutes to realise that it was the plastic man rather than an intruder.
Little did we realise that once activated, there is no way of turning them off. He tried to separate them, hoping that keeping them more than the instructed distance apart would silence them, but it didn't work - they still continued their inane conversations.

For the past few weeks, they have been residing in a kitchen cupboard. We had hoped that at that distance we wouldn't be awoken by them when we are asleep, but I'm a light sleeper and every time there's a game on, I'm woken up. I thought today might have been the last time, but no England only went & won today so we are now in the tournament final, so more talking will no doubt follow.

I've no idea what will happen to them after this - perhaps they will self-destruct?

Ashes to Ashes

I'm about to become a cricket widow.

Not only is the OH going to Perth to watch the third test, but he also has lots of elaborate plans to allow him to watch the other tests through the night - change his working from home days, people coming round to ours in the middle of the night, pretty much turning nocturnal. Not for him watching highlights on at sensible times (although he will probably watch those too), he has to see the action as it happens.

I'm not looking forward to this. I could have gone to Australia with him but decided I had better things to do with £1k than sit on a plane, watch some cricket, then get back on the plane. But I'd glossed over how much the series will take over our everyday lives.

It was brilliant when we won last year - I got quite into it (even found myself explaining the history of the Ashes to some people at a party - information I didn't realise I knew but must have picked by osmosis from him). But do we really have much chance this year - Harmisson has lost it, Jones is injured and Trescothick is having problems with...(I might be committing libel if I write the story we've been told 'on good authority').

I worry about the space this information is taking up in my brain as I really don't think I need to know any of this.