Where do I start, where do I begin?

A Real Hero

2010-10-12T10:27:00.002+01:00

I didn't write about it at the time, but I was horrified by the hero-worship of Raoul Moat by some people. I could see nothing to praise in a man who murdered one man, attacked his ex-girlfriend and shot a police officer at point blank range in the face, but the news featured people who thought he was a hero, including one woman who took her kids to his funeral (surely in any sane society this should be grounds for taking her children off her).

The incident brought into the light a section of society who dislike the police and saw shooting of a defenceless police officer as something to be admired. I don't understand this mistrust of the police - as a law-abiding person I've had no contact with the police, but understand why they exist, am glad they do and am relieved there are people who are willing to do that job, because I know I couldn't. And on the frequent accusations of them being racist or power-crazy, like any large organisation, there are probably some people of whom that is true, but like people in any profession, there will be good and bad.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing about it now as I've just heard an interview on the radio with David Rathband, the police officer who was shot. He is now blind, but is not resentful and is probably one of the most inspiring people I've heard speak. His ambition to go back to work and finish the shift that was cut short by the shooting was heartbreaking, but what a brave man.

For all of those morons who dislike the police and thought Moatie was a hero, listen to this man and see what a real hero is.

Nobody Talks about Book Club

2010-10-04T16:00:00.000+01:00

I have joined a book club. Apart from online dating, is there a bigger cliché of lonely modern urban life?

My friend C was telling me about it one night in the pub and I laughed so much at his story of nearly getting into a fight with a woman at the previous meeting, that I was tempted to join myself. Then the next day, I was in an Oxfam bookshop and there was a copy of the book they were reading next, so that sealed it – I was joining a book club.

The first meeting was brilliant Not due to any great meeting of minds and a shared love of literature, but because it was just as funny as C’s description of it. I spent most of the night trying hard not to laugh. There was, as I think is obligatory at these things, a woman who looked at everything from a feminist perspective, a literary snob who had read the book in the original French and someone very argumentative (my friend C).

As predicted by C, the other members of the book club would try to turn the subject to something other than the book in question as soon as possible. Sure enough after one sentence about the book, the feminist had moved onto talking about her son, the education system and anything else other than the book, C desperately and unsubtly tried to steer her back on track and I tried to stifle my giggles.

To add to the amusement, the pub where we meet is also the meeting point of a rival book club and I was told to look as if we were having a better discussion than them. Not to actually have a lively discussion, you understand, just to appear to do so. To be honest the other book club did look a younger more fun crowd than my lot and I may defect in the future.

Tonight is my second meeting. This month’s book was Snow by Orhan Pamuk which I mostly found tedious, but I’m looking forward to the discussions or non-discussions regardless. That is, if anyone else has read the book – apparently there was one meeting where nobody had managed to finish the book and most hadn’t even started it.

Hello October

2010-10-01T15:16:00.000+01:00

It is hello to thick black tights,
Hello to boots
Hello to coat
Hello to central heating and soup for lunch
Waiting in the wings are hat, scarf, gloves and even warmer coat
Where did my summer days go? Replaced with long dark nights that last most of the day

No wonder standards are falling

2010-08-29T15:14:00.002+01:00

I don't watch the X Factor but heard a feature on the radio about last night's episode where they casually mentioned that one performance received a score of "one million percent".

Is it any wonder that young people lack basic skills in maths?

Why can't I? You just can't, ok.

2010-08-28T08:33:00.002+01:00

For every disaffected youth who plays their music loudly on the bus because it is the only way they can feel they have any power in society, at the other end of the scale, there are educated, allegedly cultured people whose over-inflated sense of their own importance makes their manners just as bad.

Volunteering at the Globe brings me into contact with a lot of this type and some days, all it seems that I do is deal with people's whose egos mean they don't think the rules should apply to them.

You aren't allowed to take photographs during the performance. Is this really too much to ask? What theatre are you actually allowed to take photos? None. But lots of people try at the Globe, possibly because they see it as a tourist attraction, more like Buckingham Palace or Trafalgar Square, than another theatre. When caught, many will try to argue that they don't see why they aren't allowed.

So for any wouldbe rule breaker, here is a comprehensive explanation. There may have been some issue about image rights, authorised images etc, but more importantly, it is distracting - to other members of the audience and more importantly, to the actors. The actors are working, doing a great job, delivering all of those hard to remember Shakespearian lines and it is disrespectful to have a flash going off in their face. How would you like it if someone came to your place of work, while you were negotiating a sale or working on a difficult spreadsheet, and someone stuck a camera in your face. Bit hard to to concentrate?

(On a side note, if you were going to sneakily take a photo, doing it without the flash on would be more subtle. And you probably don't need a flash anyway, what with the Globe being roof-less, it is like being outdoors anyway).

Then last week, the two girls stood at the front of the stage who both had their mobile phones on and were texting constantly. Rather than stopping, they argued that the "turn off mobile phones" sign didn't apply to them because they weren't talking on the phone, only texting. But they were at the front by the stage, so in full view of the actors, the people behind them could see the lights on their phones - it is rude and disrespectful. If you aren't interested in the performance, go. You've only paid £5 for a standing ticket anyway.

But the bottom line with all of this, is that these are the house rules. They aren't up for debate.

Un-European

2010-08-10T07:08:00.005+01:00

Years ago I worked with a woman who when asked her nationality (I can't remember the situation) described herself as European. I would never have felt comfortable saying that and the trip to Bruges brought this feeling home,

I loved Bruges and the Flemish people were great, but travelling through France then Belgium , I became aware of how un-European I felt. I'm not anti-EU, one of those people who is obsessed about preserving the pound and I can see the benefits of all clubbing together. But since we on our little island here, I don't think we will ever feel as much part of Europe as people who grow up on its mainland. No matter how many tunnels under the water we have, we aren't living as close to each other as the rest of Europe are and our collective lack of language ability adds to this feeling of separation.

I wonder if the residents of Hawaii feel the same about being part of the United States of America? That they are apart of it, but not as much as someone in, say, Kansas?

In Bruges

2010-08-09T20:19:00.003+01:00

I'll admit that our decision to go to Bruges was based on loving the film In Bruges. Partly because it was cheap and convenient on the Eurostar, but mainly it was because of the film. However, we didn't encounter any Irish hitmen. Our trip did include the following:

I took a lot of photographs of the picturesque views, especially the canals.

We did a brewery tour and drank a lot of Belgian beer.

We went to a free music festival, where the audience seemed to consist mainly of glum clowns

I drank an "interesting" coconut beer from a coconut bowl.

Black Dress Audit

2010-07-30T18:11:00.000+01:00

I bought a new black dress the other day. A long sleeved warm black dress in the middle of summer.

Not to wear now, obviously, but did I really need to buy another little black dress? I’m getting older every day and have a social life that seems to consist entirely of going the theatre, barbecues and weddings. And, this being the crux of the matter, I already have a few black dress.

Time to take stock of them, I thought
1. Black sleeveless shift dress – absolute classic. The oldest and most sophisticated black dress in my collection, I’ve worn it to several fancy events in the past.
2. Black drop-waist short-sleeved cotton sundress. Worn loads, but has seen better days
3. Black organic cotton belted dress with big front pocket. Bought in an emergency in the USA when I realised the dresses I’d intended to pack were still hanging on the bedroom door at home. Worn consistently since.
4. Black cap sleeved high necked fitted mini-dress. Bit too short and tight for me to actually wear as a dress so have only ever worn it as a tunic
5. Black puff-sleeved dress with cute buttons and pockets on the front. Bought for a work event and worn at a couple of similar occasions, but not in the past year
6. Black long-sleeved high-necked, flared skirt 60s style dress. Worn loads, possibly my favourite before the purchase of the new dress.
7. Black knitted jumper dress. Very warm and cosy, looks a bit like I’ve borrowed a man’s jumper to wear as a dress, which was exactly what I was aiming for. Not worn since winter ended.
8. The New Black Dress – long bell-sleeves with a round neck, flared skirt and visible zip up the back.

Actually, this isn’t as many as I thought I’d have and in writing them all down, I can see that they are all significantly different from each other (at least to me).

Of course, this list doesn’t include any patterned dresses which are predominantly black that I may have...

Loving your work: Willy Vlautin

2010-07-29T18:26:00.000+01:00

I first became aware of Willy Vlautin when I received a copy of his third novel, Lean on Pete, to review for LibraryThing. On reading the blurb I did wonder why I’d requested this book as a tale of a young boy and his horse hardly sounded like my sort of thing (I still shudder at the thought of the film The Horse Whisperer and the soft focus horse pictures my ex-flatmate hung around our lounge). But far from being sentimental claptrap, it was a Steinbeck-esque story of poverty, bad luck and bad choices.

From the Lean on Pete blurb (more helpfully this time) I discovered that Vlautin is something of a renaissance man as he is also a musician. He fronts an alt-country band, Richmond Fontaine and since I’m partial to a little bit of alt (and some not-so alt) country music, I downloaded one of their albums. His song lyrics tell stories similar to his books – more tales of woe and the American dram turned sour, but set to some great tunes. I’ve since bought another and I’m tempted to buy more (they have quite a back catalogue). The album Post to Wire has been my listening choice recently and Richmond Fontaine find themselves being in the unique position of being the only band that still exist that I listen to at the moment.

Whilst in San Francisco, I bought his first two books. I read The Motel Life immediately and loved it. I’ve been saving the second Northline because once I’ve read it, I won’t have any more of his books to read. It even comes with its own CD of music, which I’m looking forward to almost as much as the book.

The sound of wind blowing through the trees

2010-07-29T15:08:00.003+01:00

After a period of inertia, I’m throwing myself into London’s cultural life again, taking up every opportunity to experience what the Capital has to offer. This has involved stepping way a beyond my comfort zone (see One no One account below for just how far outside I’ve gone!) and trying out some different things.

Recently this led to me road-testing the “production” Susurrus, which The Gate Theatre is “putting on” in Holland Park at the moment. The apparent overuse of quotation marks here is because I’m not entirely sure that the language normally used to describe theatre applies here. Susurrus is (to borrow from the publicity material) “a play without actors, without a stage and with only one person in the audience”. What that translates into, in layman’s terms, is being given a headset and a map, navigating around the park, listening to dialogue, sounds and bits of opera.

I was sceptical before it began, but was quickly won over by the soothing Scottish voices and wonderful music. The setting of Holland Park, now moving up first place in my list of favourite parks, was perfect and the elements behaved in synch with the play. While all was well in the play, the sun was shining brightly and I enjoyed strolling past the tennis courts and cafe, but just when the play took a sinister turn and I was directed to more secluded spots, the wind picked up speed and howled around me.

The story became something dark, but there was still a beauty in the words and the music and I was completely lost in this world in my headset and far from my initial self-consciousness, I was reluctant to return to real life at the end.

Reflections on the One on One Festival

2010-07-22T07:03:00.005+01:00

To keep some connection with the arts world, I have been volunteering at the One on One Festival at the Battersea Arts Centre.

I was considering starting this post:

"Theatre doesn't have to take place on a stage with a curtain and the audience sat neatly in rows"

but equally valid would have been:

I arrived for my shift to be greeted with the question "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

One on One was a festival of theatre at the experimental end of the scale. Around the venue, there were over 30 different shows, usually with just one performer, which audience members experienced on their own. It involved facing fears, darkness and yes, some nudity, but there were also experiences of joy, beauty and comedy.

I experienced the festival first as a volunteer steward, which meant that I saw audience reactions without actually seeing the performances themselves. It was fascinating to see how people reacted so differently to the same piece.

On the final day, I went along as an audience member, although I think my journey was a tame one (clothes were all kept on) but I saw some wonderful acts. I had my own private concert in Folk in a Box, with the musician Clem Leek, who specialises in modern classical ambient music, a genre I was previously unaware of, but found rather lovely. I experienced a haunting acoustic performances by Sarah Johns in which we both stood in front of a mirror by candlelight. I was treated for Existential Angst in the piece Nurse Knows Best, which was a lot of fun. Other bits I was less keen on and on the whole I decided I had enjoyed watching others' reactions more than taking part myself, which is interesting in itself.

I suspect it may be the sort of thing that people who think the arts shouldn't receive any public funding would hold up as an example, but for those that attended the festival seemed to be a success and it was certainly different from anything else I've ever experienced.

I Write Like

2010-07-17T10:54:00.002+01:00

You've probably all done this already. It has taken the web by storm this week.

I Write Like

Paste in a sample of your writing and the clever program will tell you which best-selling author you writing style is most like.

I feed it with numerous past blog articles and most of the time, it said I write like William Gibson (I've never read anything by him). One post it said was like Mario Puzo, probably because I mentioned mozzarella.

But putting aside the vanity of knowing who I write like, I decided to feed in some writing related to my work. I put in something my Chief Executive wrote. Dan Brown. Hopefully, it means he writes in a populist accessible style, rather than being a conspiracy theorist.

I put in an extract from the new Government's (more about them at a later date no doubt), Big Society document, thinking it would funny if it came out as Orwellian. It came out as like Kurt Vonnegut. Surreal and absurd?

Elephants on Parade

2010-07-16T18:27:00.004+01:00

During my long and fairly uneventful absence from the world of blogging, I became obsessed with the Elephants on Parade.

If you aren't in London or walk around the city with your eyes closed, you might not know about the Elephants on Parade, so I'll explain.

London's streets were taken over for a few weeks by herds of colourful elephants, decorated by designers, artists and other such people. The elephants were sponsored or bought by companies with some elephants sold at auction for thousands of pounds, with the money going to help protect Asian elephants whose numbers are dwindling.

The now-husband and I spent a lovely Saturday tracking down the elephants on a route that started at Paddington and finished on the Strand, spotting around 70 elephants as we went. We spent another morning viewing herds of the elephants when they were gathered together at the Royal Chelsea Hospital and the Westfield Centre. I like elephants and we did our bit for the cause by buying a minature one (the now-husband was keen to put in a bid for a full-sized one, thinking it would be a novel way of spending the money we received as wedding gifts, but my money sense won out).

But more than the charitable element, I loved the way that such a diverse range of people were just as smitten with the elephants are we were. The sheer delight of people chancing upon an elephant around a quiet corner. The freedom for children to clamber all over them as they wished. This is what public art should be. Not some bronze memorial to some military person whose significance has long since been forgotten. But something that people can enjoy and interact with in their own way.

The elephants have gone now from London and our streets look sadder without them.

Making my excuses

2010-07-16T18:25:00.002+01:00

I've been:

too busy
too tired
too low

I've had too little

energy
enthusiam
time
to say

But I will

try harder
write more frequently

Life without Coffee

2010-05-16T13:17:00.004+01:00

I have given up coffee. I am now in Day 5 of Life without Coffee.

I haven't had headaches or any of the withdrawl symptoms I'd read about, but it hasn't been fun. I don't think I miss the coffee itself that much, but rather the ritual of coffee drinking.
At work, it breaks up the day, giving me a reason to get up from my desk for a break every few hours. So I've invested in some fruit tea so I can still have something to drink (do) at work.

But more than the work habit, I love the thought of sitting in cafes, enjoying a latte, perhaps with a cake or pastry. And cakes, pastries and biscuits just don't go with fruit tea, but then I should probably be giving up those too.

Today is going to be tough. Sundays were made for reading the papers with an endless steam of coffee. And despite thinking I was doing well, last night I actually dreamt about breaking my coffee-fast, dreaming about having a coffee in an art gallery cafe. I was pleased when I woke up and realised that I hadn't "fallen off the wagon", but the dream illustrates that as well as giving up biscuits etc, I may also have to give up on galleries and museums in case their cafes prove to be too much temptation!

(I'm still drinking regular tea, but I take my tea so weak that the caffeine content must be negligible. Once I get over coffee, I may get rid of the tea too, but one step at a time)

The Election - Some Thoughts

2010-05-07T01:41:00.004+01:00

Firstly, why am I still awake? I have work tomorrow.

Ken Clarke is quite funny. His comments about the media coverage were most amusing when the BBC wanted to cut off the interview with him to show pictures of Gordon arriving at his count.

Sara Brown's skirt was rather short. Her legs pretty good, but I think it is too late to win any votes by showing a bit of leg.

Where is the glory for the Sunderland seats to be the first to declare? Surely it would be better to boast of a decent turnout and an electorate that put some thought into their voting.

It saddens me that in many areas the BNP get more votes than the Green Party.

Honeymarooned

2010-04-24T02:08:00.003+01:00

Should I pretend I am writing this from an overcrowded airport, where we have been camped out for days, suffering boredom only interupted by assaulting airline staff, rioting with other passengers and crying for the television cameras?

Our "stranded" overseas experience has been vastly different from what I'm seeing on the television here and what my family are telling me is being shown back in the UK. We extended our stay in the apartment we had rented until the next people were arriving and today we have moved into a hotel. Not a hotel I would have normally picked, but it is cheap and clean, I'm writing this from the desk in the bedroom, there is a pool and gym and there is a "pillow menu" in case the standard pillows don't meet requirements. So I don't feel I can complain too much.

At the moment we are paying for it ourselves and there is no guarantee that we will be able to claim any of it back. By the time we get back, I will have had a month off work (until last year, I'd never taken two weeks holiday before) so will likely face a nightmare when I get back in. But still I'm enjoying myself.

Eloped (sort of)

2010-04-20T19:20:00.007+01:00

For once I have a very good reason for not posting for a while. The OH and I got married!

We did it on our own in the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. We did tell family and friends in advance so it technically isn't eloping, but I did it without informing readers of my blog, so for these purposes, we did elope.

The service was lovely and initmate. The mini-moon to the Napa Valley was fabulous (plenty of wine tastings and gorgeous scenery).

There is a slight downside to this story. We are now stranded in San Francisco due to this volcanic ash business. We should have left yesterday and at the moment the earliest flight available is 30th April, considerably extending the honeymoon. But I can think of worse things to happen - like actually going back to work, so we are making the best of it.

Less Happens

2010-03-28T15:03:00.004+01:00

I don't think that central London is the centre of the universe, and I'm sure people who have nothing to do with London lead exciting lives, but since I stopped working in central London, I've had less to say here. Away from the assorted tourists and nutcases that inhabitat central London and the underground system, my daily life has become decidedly uneventful.

The now-not-so-new job isn't great, it has its ups and its downs, but it doesn't inspired me on way or another to write about it as it really isn't that interesting. Tellingly the best thing I can find to say about the whole experience is that there is a great cafe nearby that does a great latte and I'm ignoring that common bit of money saving advice about not buying coffees on your way into work.

One thing I am doing a lot of is going to the theatre. Oh the irony of having left the theatre industry, I now find myself going to the theatre more than I did before. The reason I'm going more is actually related to having left working in it, as I'm now on a judging panel for theatre awards, which I couldn't do while I worked there. I would have more than enough material to write a theatre-related blog if I could be bothered.

RIP Alex Chilton

2010-03-18T19:29:00.002Z

Sorry for the prolonged silence. I didn't have much to say and now I come back because someone dies. And it isn't Corey Haim.

Alex Chilton was the frontman of the band Big Star. After Primal Scream, Big Star are my second all time favourite band. They never achieve huge fame or success but are often quoted as influences by other bands (Teenage Fanclub pretty much borrowed wholesale from them). I was lucky enough to see them (not in the 70s) but at a festival a few years ago.

Here are a few of their songs:

Wise Beyond His Years?

2010-02-07T14:46:00.000Z

I somehow I ended up watching "Country Tracks" this morning. This is particularly odd as the countryside just to induce panic attacks in me, but I am learning to deal with open space now.

Anyway, there was a feature about the poet Ted Hughes and John Craven was talking to a group of young children, asking them if they knew Ted Hughes went to their school and did they know the story "The Iron Man". His final question was "Do you think, you'll become a poet" to which a cute little ginger lad firmly said no. "What will you be instead?", asked the presenter.

"A plumber".

Perhaps not the most romantic of ambitions, but plumbers certainly have a steadier income than poets. (although less cachet when it comes to pulling literature students)

A Balanced Diet

2010-02-07T09:19:00.002Z

I was sat in a window seat at Pret a Manger, eating my lunch. A man came and sat at the table just outside the window. I noticed that on his tray were five pots of Pret's Caramel dessert. I thought perhaps some friends were going to join him and each enjoy a Caramel Pot, but no. Methodically, but pretty quickly, he worked his way through the five pots. Then he was gone.

That's can't be healthy?

But then again, I was eating a mozzarella and pistachio sandwich at the time, so I'm in no position to talk.

Everyone who has ever cut my hair

2010-02-06T18:00:00.006Z

Some of the names are now lost in the mists of time, if I ever knew them in the first place, but as far as I can remember this is a list of everyone who has ever cut my hair (a list that compiled itself while I had my hair cut today)

My mother - inflictor of many a crooked fringe as a child. Strangely I still allowed her to cut the back of it when I was a student.

Carron - a friend of a friend of the family. She has arthritis in her hands despite being in her twenties but somehow could still cut her. She was the first glamorous person I remember wearing glasses.

A series of ladies at "Cutz" - responsible for the awful "Wolf Cut" that was apparently all the rage (where outside of lupine circles, I'm not sure). They were also very fond of using the tongs on my fringe .

Lisa - a childhood friend of mine who I hadn't seen of spoken to for years. She came round our house to cut everyone's hair. We were both too shy to make conversation. It was awkward. She's recently been in touch via Facebook.

The Hard-Faced Blonde - I was a student and after years of the same hair style, having spent ages growing out the ever-present fringe in my late teens, I decided I would go for a change. I picked a salon in the centre of Norwich and was determined I would go for something different. I was ready to explain that I didn't think my round face would suit anything too harsh, but my hairdresser was a hard-faced woman with a very severe haircut that didn't suit her face at all, so I was unable to say that. Instead I had a trim.

The Cutting Crew - I don't remember anything about the hairdresser or the cut, but the bailiffs came to repossess some things while I was having my hair washed.

Julie - a lovely hairdresser in my hometown who would cut my hair on my visits home in my early years of living in London. Her usual customers were the set and rinse crowd, so she liked playing with my young, straight hair.

Mavis aka the one that got away - after Julie's salon closed, I asked my mother to make an appointment for my visit at another local salon. Unknown to me, there were two next door to each other. She made the appointment with the wrong one. I decided that a) I didn't want my hair cut there and b) it didn't need a cut yet. So I rang to cancel and the woman said "I'll let Mavis know" and I was convinced I'd made the right decision.

The Lonely Chinese Man - my first hairdresser in London and the first hairdresser to give me a head massage - it gave me a headache. I'm pretty sure I didn't ever find out his name. He used to ask what I was doing that night, but specificially where he might be able to find me. He spent Christmas on his own at the cinema. He cut my hair several times, but one day I went back and he was gone.

The Big Girl - at the same salon as the above. She was alright. She was a big girl with a big personality and a very dated perm.

The Blonde Aussie druggie with a rich boyfriend - again at the same salon, I sometimes got this nightmare instead of the Big Girl. A man once came in and sold her drugs while she was washing my hair. The shop owner chased him away. She was apparently dating a very rich man with yacht and was setting sail around the world with him, but by my next visit, he had dumped her. She made a terrible mess with the hair dye.

Justina and the Big Greek Man - a one-time visit to a salon near the gallery I used to volunteer at. The Big Greek Man was the owner, who instructed Justina on the hair dye part, without consulting me. It came out bright red around the roots, auburn everywhere else. I stayed another two hours, while they tried to make it all one colour again.

Sonia - Sonia is a great hairdresser but a dreadful time-keeper. Your appointment time is just the time you are welcomed into the salon, the actual cut (always good and quick once it started) would usually happen 2 hours later. She had previously been an accountant in Iran.

Daniella - briefly worked at Sonia's and cut my hair once when Sonia was too busy with the fifteen other people who had been waiting hours. She did quite a good job.

Marta the Butcher - Also at Sonia's. The worst haircut I've ever had. The fringe, cut in first, with layers. On my birthday.

Esme - a friend of my sisters' and my favourite hairdresser. She cut it twice, but then went freelance because she was sick of the low pay in the salon and I never quite managed to arrange to see her again.

Lynne - owner of the salon that Esme worked at. She could cut hair, but her bedside manner left a lot to be desired. She insisted on putting my hair up as part of some special Christmas promotion.

Carly - another friend of my sisters' and worker in the same salon as above. I've witnessed her eating both portions of a two-for-one deal on scampi and chips, although this was in the pub and not in her capacity as a hairdresser at all.

Georgina - the current hairdresser, who all in all I'm quite happy with.

Complacent Canvassing

2010-02-05T11:24:00.003Z

I'm at home again for part 3 of the ceiling debacle. From the window I can see a man in an anorak coming up the path. There is feeble knock on the door. I answer it and the man, who is holding a clipboard in the same blue as his anorak, introduces himself as being from a political party. Can they count on my support in the election, he asks. I can't help but smile as I say no, although I think he can tell that what I'm too polite to say is that I wouldn't vote for your lot in million years. He asks who I will be voting for. I tell him who I will probably vote for. He then asks if the OH would vote for his party. I tell him probably not (what I mean is that if he did vote for them, he wouldn't tell me).

Then he was gone. No attempt at persuading me, no hard or soft sell on why his party has to offer, what makes their manifesto worth voting for or anything. And I feel slightly disappointed. I know they pretty much have it in the bag, but I would have liked to have been made to feel that they would have liked me personally to vote for them.

Another company to avoid

2010-02-01T10:36:00.003Z

I think I may have found a company worse than BT.

You may recall the flooding from upstairs. Our insurance company were pretty effecient in starting the process to sort it out and arranged for a building company to carry out the repairs. We decided it would be easier just to use the one the insurance company sent round rather than pay ourselves and wait for the money to be given back. This was clearly a mistake. The company, Rok, sent an assessor round in December and then called to arrange a date (more than a month away) to carry out the work. I rang them back to confirm but no one ever answered the phone so I left several messages instead.

The week of the date they were due to come round, I called them to ask what time they would be coming and they said between 8 and 9. So I took a day off work and waited in. It got to 10 without any sign of them so I rang them. Eventually after 15 minutes on hold, I was told that my appointment had never been confirmed. I explained that no one answered the phone so I had left messages but they said nothing was logged. They then said it wasn't their fault or their problem, and if I wanted to make a complaint I should speak to my insurance company.

So here we are again. Another day off work. Again I rang to double-check they were coming and this morning just before 9, someone did arrive. But within a few minutes we hit another problem. It will not just take a day as they said it would. It will take at least two days, so I will have to take more time off.

He starts on the job. Cuts two big holes in the ceiling and then stops.

Another problem. The light is broken (which they are supposed to be fixing as well) but needs to be disconnected completely before they can continue. This builder isn't qualified to do that. They should have sent an electrician first.

So now they have to try to find an electrician and so I wait.

Not a Musical

2010-01-24T12:46:00.003Z

I rarely rewatch films and hardly ever re-read books, even my favourites, so it is a huge endorsement that I wanted to see the current play at the Soho Theatre twice in the space of ten days. And truth be told, I could happily go and see it again.

The show is "Midsummer (a play with songs)", and I saw it for free as part of the theatre awards judging thing I do. I took a friend along to it, fearing the songs would put off the OH, who strictly does not do musicals, but it was so good that I thought he would enjoy and I wanted to see it again - I was even willing to pay to see it again.

It is a Scottish play (not the Scottish play) and I have admitted that I am definitely a Scotophile, plus it is about turning 35 (just a few weeks off for me) and the music includes a quick blast of the Jesus and Mary Chain, so I was always going to enjoy it. But equally the older people in the audience, who probably didn't own a Jesus and Mary Chain record between them, still seemed to love it too. And the songs were all really good too, sounding similar to Belle & Sebastian in places, definitely not like the songs you normally hear in musicals, but then this isn't a musical, it is a play with songs and that difference is important.

So if you are in London in the next two weeks, go to see this show. I thoroughly recommend it (although I'm beginning to think it may have been a mistake to recommend it to a couple of recently married friends who met in the internet as the play contains the line "Its an internet thing. I'll give it a year" which they may be offended by).

Not over the age of 30? - Ice Skating

2010-01-16T20:38:00.004Z

I was never a brilliant skater, but I liked it and held a romantic notion about gliding along arm in arm with a loved one. Sadly since the OH is firmly of the "can't skate/won't skate" mind, I had to make do with going with female friends. Over-enthusiastic about the idea, we ended up booking two outings, one a freebie in Canary Wharf, another at Somerset House.

The first trip did not get off to the best of starts. My balance was noticeably absent for the first ten minutes and as I lurched (not glided) from railing to railing, I wondered how I would survive a whole hour of it, let alone another evening of it. Thankfully, I did improve - not to any great standard, but enough to go around unaided at my own leisurely pace. And so long as I wasn't in danger of being skated into by the show-offs (one in particular was fast without actually being in control and took down a group of children in one fall), I did enjoy it.

But what I wasn't prepared for was how tiring it is. I remember the balance issues, my lack of pace and wariness of other teenage skaters, but I don't remember it being so exhausting. I had to stop every ten minutes for a breather. Proof once again that all the swimming I do doesn't seem to translate into any other type of fitness.

Inauspicious Start to 2010

2010-01-05T13:25:00.002Z

New Year’s Day, i woke up feeling dodgy. Not on account of the Cava consumed the night before, which was adequately absorbed by the copious nibbles. I was coming down with a cold. So once we got back from our jaunt to Exeter, I spent the next couple of days confined to the house.

Sniffles had cleared up sufficiently to go into work on Monday, determined to be a dynamic go-getter in 2010. I spent the morning reading emails, listening to colleagues grumble and trying to get warm. Then around lunchtime the electricity went off. It didn’t come back on, so we were sent home.

Today, I arrive at the office to find it is still in darkness. The rest of the building has their power back, but for some reason (unpaid bills?) not our office.

On the positive side, it is easing me back into the working routine, but foiling my plans to be dynamic.

Wear a Coat!

2010-01-03T10:55:00.003Z

After the Tyne Bridge, the second sight heralding my arrival in the North East is usually an inappropriately dressed female, shivering on the platform with corn beef legs. And in days gone by on nights out in Newcastle I was used to being the only person the Quayside with a coat.

So I almost expect it when I'm up north and unlike the OH, I wasn't shocked when I saw a group of men on Boxing Day evening wearing just t-shirts. But this aversion to coats seems to have spread. During the day, when the ice was still thick on the ground, I saw teenagers wearing just vests! Vests! Temperatures were sub-zero.

And in London, I saw a pair of girls without coats when there was snow on the ground and one of them was wearing denim hotpants! Admittedly she was wearing tights (in the North, the legs would have been bare too), but who decides in snowy weather that hotpants are the ideal wardrobe decision?

Are coats out of fashion and nobody told me? Are they hopelessly unhip amongst the young? I remember reading years ago that Victoria Beckham never wears a coat because she thought they made her look bulky, but then she is ill/crazy/unlikely to be getting the bus anywhere. Surely this aversion can't have spread?

I don't understand it. I love coats. I have loads of them and could happily buy a few more if I didn't already have loads.

Overheard Conversations Part 9

2010-01-02T15:01:00.003Z

On the train to Exeter, a woman is talking loudly on her mobile phone to a friend who has just enduring a trying Christmas break with her family. The subject turns to the friend's sister which sparks this statement from our woman.

"Does she have a boyfriend?
(presumably the other person says no)
"I thought she would find it easy to find a boyfriend. She likes Top Gear"

I didn't realise affairs of the heart were so easy!

Cultural Review of 2009

2009-12-30T14:07:00.001Z

As in previous years, I present my highly subjective review of the year.

Film
I managed to see all of the films that were nominated for Best Film, Best Actor or Best Actress category at the Oscars, mainly at the beginning of the year. My favourites were Frost/Nixon, Milk and Slumdog Millionaire (although I still think Trainspotting is a way better film). I also loved Moon, which won an award for best British Independent Film (although the OH hated it) and Rudo y Cursi, possibly the best football film ever.

Music
I may have to retire the music category if my apathy towards new music continues. I did get out and see a couple of bands - Maximo Park and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who were both fantastic and the support band at one of these gigs is my only new discovery of the year, Joe Gideon and the Shark. Rage Against the Machine being the Christmas Number One was probably my musical highlight of the year though.

Theatre
I achieved my aim of seeing at least one production for each month of the year, although amongst that list were some absolute stinkers. The highlights were seeing Sir Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart in Waiting for Godot, the one-man show Stefan Golaszewski Plays and the very funny The Priory, but my favourite was Three Days of Rain with the wonderful James McAvoy.

Television
In the post-Wire era, any comments about television shows need to be preceded with the phrase "Its not as good as The Wire, but...". So with that disclaimer in place, I was impressed by In Treatment (although 5 episodes a week was a huge committment), Curb Your Enthusiasm was excellent and The Daily Show continued to inform and entertain. Embarrassingly, I became addicted to Come Dine with Me, but I'm hoping to ween myself off it. On DVD, we rediscovered NYPD Blue, which isn't as good as The Wire, but...

Books
I read over 100 books this year so its a wonder I found time to do anything else. The best were Tropical Fish: Tales of Entebbe by Doreen Baingana, Giraffe by J M Ledgard and The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I also loved The Picture of Contented New Wealth by Tariq Goddard (I'm looking forward to his 5th book in 2010) and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley which left me wondering why it had taken me so long to get around to reading it.

Making Morph: Attempt 1

2009-12-29T19:47:00.003Z

This is what Morph should look like

This is what my first attempt looks like:

Like Morph with leprosy.

Crafty Christmas

2009-12-29T13:40:00.002Z

Amongst my Christmas presents this year were two craft type things, which I suspect may be aimed at children but are probably at the right level for my creative talent.

One was a Make Your Own Morph set. Morph is supplied in his raw form - a lump of plasticine - along with instructions turning it into the character. It all sounds simple but somehow I'm not sure it will be.

The other was a Pom Pom Owl kit, with wool to make two pom pom owls. Again, it should be child's play and again I'm certain I'll mess it up.

I will return to post the results when I'm done.

Belated Christmas Greetings

2009-12-29T13:34:00.003Z

Merry Christmas to you all. Rather late as I've been in The North, away from computers for the past week.

Christmas was good - plenty of gifts, food and booze, but the best part was totally unrelated to the festive period. The parts of my visit I enjoyed were the walks on the beach with a small ageing, fluffy dog.

I may be from the same town as the X Factor winner, but (part 2)

2009-12-19T15:45:00.001Z

I will not be taking part in the karaoke at the office Christmas party on Monday.

I don't do singing. Even if I did do singing, it wouldn't be in front of my new colleagues, on a Monday lunchtime, stone cold sober. Equally, I'm not that keen on hearing my new colleagues sing on a Monday lunchtime stone cold sober.

I may be from the same town as the X Factor Winner, but (Part 1)

2009-12-19T08:18:00.002Z

I won't be buying his single. Instead I will be putting my money (all 79p of it) behind Rage Against the Machine.

Certainly not to everyone's taste, I do actually like the Rage Against the Machine song, it reminds me of my youth. But even if you don't like it, I urge you to still buy it - you don't ever have to listen to it. Do something to stop the grip of the manufactured predictable pop machine of X Factor and their lazy complacency that they have the right to the top of the chart.

I have nothing against the show's winner, but I can't stand his so-called mentor Cheryl Cole, who perfectly typifies what is wrong with country, and is part of one of the most contemptible couples ever. She is someone who the nation has taken to its hearts based on her having nice hair (is it even real?) and what most people regard as a comedy regional accent. Another person encouraging young girls to believe it is more important to have lots of hair than a brain. She fell further in my already low estimation of her yesterday, when she compared the Rage Against the Machine campaign to bullying. It isn't bullying - it is nothing personal against the winner, who afterall could have been anyone - and that is hugely insulting to anyone who has suffered real bullying, which I'm certain never involved being stopped from having the Christmas Number 1.

Lame Christmas Lights...

2009-12-11T09:01:00.006Z

I was going to write a post about how lame Christmas decorations seem to be this year.

I was going to moan about the three pathetic light decorations on lamp posts in my neighboourhood

I was going to moan about the pretty but insubstantial tree lights in my nearest shopping area

I was going to moan about how ugly the lights are on Oxford Street this year

I was going too moan about the almost complete lack of lights in Covent Garden

I was going to speculate on whether these half-arsed efforts were due to spending cutbacks, a victim of "the current economic climate" or of environmental concerns.

But then I saw this which more than made up for the other poor shows.

First of the Season

2009-12-09T08:58:00.002Z

I had my first mince pie of the year yesterday. They aren't my favourite Christmas food (that honour goes to Christmas Cake or possibly even the much maligned sprout), but somehow the mince pie signifies the start of the festive season most to my mind.

Sinterklaas, the Black Petes and EuroPop

2009-12-06T09:17:00.003Z

Last night I celebrated Sinterklaas for the first time. Sinter Klaas usually visits children at 2.30 and 7.30, but he arrived rather late in the pub, by which time the excitement had build up (and wine had been taken).

He was accompanied by the traditional Sinterklaas helpers, the Black Petes. The Black Petes however have been forced to change with the times, and had blue faces rather than black, as blue-ing up is not politically incorrect. They threw sweets and cinnamon biscuits into the crowds and a few lucky ladies were selected to receive gifts from Santa and answer whether they had been good all year, which was as seedy as it sounds.

Then the evening was rounded off with another thing the Dutch seem to love - bad EuroPop dance music including tinny techno-ish versions of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and "Daydream Believer" and a few numbers in their native tongue.

Hope you all enjoyed Sinterklaas as much as I did.

Happy Sinterklaasavond

2009-12-05T14:37:00.002Z

Or perhaps it is Merry Sinterklaasavond.

Either way, I shall find out tonight as I'm going to a Dutch pub with a Dutch friend to celebrate this Dutch tradition.

It involves gifts and poems. The gifts are bought, but the poems still need to be written...

With a fringe on the top

2009-12-01T18:26:00.006Z

My hair has always been more or less the same. I was born with full head of dark brown hair, and then any photographs of me, it is long, straight and brown. I must have had short hair at some point to go from the baby fluff to the long hair, but there is no documented evidence of this. For 30-odd years, I have had more or less the same hair style. The only major variation has been the issue of the fringe.

From the age of 3 to 16, I had a fringe. From ages 3 to 9 it was invariably a badly cut, wonky fringe, courtesy of my mother. Around the age of 10, hairdressers were obviously invented, and the fringe became straight. At 15, I wanted rid of the fringe. It seemed to take years to get rid of it properly and I spent much of the ages 16 to 18 hiding behind the awkward growing out stage.

I lived happily without fringe for probably over a decade, when somehow a hairdresser persuaded me to let it back into my life. The last few years have seen me swing from fringe to not fringe. and most recently being in the no man's land of the "sweeping side fringe". When I'm without a fringe, I admire the sharp, 60s style fringes of others, and imagine a fringe for myself like this:

With this thought in mind, I allowed the return of the fringe on Saturday. The elfin hairdresser seemed to greet the idea of the fringe with enthusiasm - I think she was more bored with the sweeping side fringe than I was. When it was cut, she proudly announced "It's back!". I was less keen. Now I am with fringe again, I'm looking enviously at those with cascading fringe-less hair and when I think of fringes and look in the mirror, this image comes to mind.

Good Week , Bad Week

2009-11-27T09:42:00.004Z

On Sunnday the washing machine broke.

On Monday there was a leak coming from upstairs. The tenants don't care. The landlord won't answer her phone to me, following the last time when they flooded our place and she claimed it was nothing to do with her. We have turned the water supply off. 3 days without water hasn't bothered the tenants - we have been showering in the morning while they are still asleep.

On Tuesday my colleague bought me a plant to cheer me up. I was so touched I almost cried

On Wednesday, I won £10 on the lottery and laughed a lot at a play at the Royal Court Theatre

On Thursday, I attended my first AGM at the new job and I was personally thanked for something during the Chair's speech.

On Friday, the washing machine was fixed. I spoke to the insurance company, their legal assistance department, the Environmental Health department of the Council and the water company about the leaking from upstairs. Whilst the landlord is legally responsible for it, it could months of us taking them to court to force them to have the problem fixed. In the meantime, I have been advised to "take down the ceiling" ourselves to stop it collapsing and that I could be prosecuted for depriving the upstairs flat of water even though we have tried every means to contact the tenants and the landlord.

On balance an awful awful week with no signs of anything getting any better.

B is for Bicycle

2009-11-16T10:39:00.003Z

I haven't been on a bike since I was fifteen (I've mentioned this before) but I'm increasingly drawn to bicycles. I found myself enjoying the Tour de France this year (mainly because of Bradley Wiggins) and aesthetically I find bicycles very pleasing. I think it might be the spokes.

After laudrettes (again I've mentioned this before), bicycles are my second favourite thing to photograph.

And bicycles feature on so many pretty things:

Bowls, cups and other colourful ceramcis from Circa Ceramics

Silk cushions by Ferm Living

and the B mug in the Urban Alphabet range by Big Tomato Company.

A project associated with my work fixes bicycles and the other day I found myself casually asking how much they sold the refurbished bikes for. Perhaps my days as a non-cycler won't last much longer.

Dog Day Afternoon

2009-11-15T15:36:00.003Z

I have just spent the most enjoyable Sunday in a long time. We went to the Discover Dogs exhibition at Earls Court. It was superb.

200 breeds of dogs, from the slobering massive Mastiffs to the tiny Chihuahuas. Tibetian Terriers are probably still my favourites, although I had my head turned by some adorable Havanese, enjoyed stroking a candy floss like Bichon Frise and was nuzzled by a very friendly Bearded Collie by the name of Riley. The OH was rather smitten with the Glen of Imaal Terriers, who he said he would name Glen or Lamal.

We watched a round of the agility competition but had to exit the arena in a hurry in avoid seeing Mary Ray performing heel to music to the Riverdance.

What I Learnt This Week

2009-11-14T19:31:00.001Z

Where unbranded biscuits are concerned, custard cream are a safer option than chocolate digestives.

This Consumer Life

2009-11-14T18:09:00.006Z

As posts where people list the things they've purchased recently seem to be pretty popular on other blogs, I thought I would do my own version.

Atomic Magazine Rack

A cheap and cheerful rip-off of a classic 1950s design. Technically I don't need another magazine rack - I don't even read many magazines other than Sunday supplements - but you can never have too many storage solutions.

Cashmere Mix Jumper Dress
I had an images in my head for weeks of the perfect jumper dress. It was to be of a length that that was short enough to possibly look like I'd insouciantly just thrown on a jumper over my tights, but long enough to be decent. It was ideally going to be grey, but although this dress also came in two shades of grey, neither was quite right. so, as so often in the past, I bought the black.

Laundry Bin
Shopping for laundry bins is not interesting. I wished I could have been buying anything else and very nearly got sidetracked by a bread bin instead, but in the end I came home with this, which was the least dull option.

Leather Satchel
This was featured at full price in the Sunday Times style magazine, where it seemed a bargain. But I got it for half price. It is very practical with useful pockets. I've owned it a week and I've not misplaced my keys, travelcard or phone once.

Music to Iron To

2009-11-09T07:09:00.003Z

i decided that if I was going to iron for the week ahead, that it pass quicker if I had music on while I did it. The ipod was set to random and off I went. Whilst it did make the task almost enjoyable, it did slow things down as I spent half of the time time skipping tracks as I discovered that certain songs just cannot be ironed to. No matter how much I love "Thirteen" by Big Star, it just doesn't encourge the smoothing rhythm necessary to leave a shirt crinkle-free.

Here are the songs that gave the best de-creasing results:

Dancing in the Street by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
Vicar in a Tutu by The Smiths
Jump into the Fire by Harry Nilsson
Liar, Liar by The Castaways
Radio Free Europe by REM
Just Keep Walking by INXS
Paris is Burning by Ladyhawke

Morbid Curiosity

2009-11-08T10:52:00.002Z

I shouldn't have watched it. Complaining about it now, I realise that the simple solution would have been to not watch it. I may be turning into my Auntie Dorothy who used to purposefully watch programmes she would find offensive so she could complin.

And so long as people like me are willing to watch these things, so they will continue to exist. We have stooped to a new low and I am partly responsible because I watched some of it.

I'm referring to the Michael Jackson Seance.

Why did I watch (some of) it? The OH was out for the evening, to watch boxing, which in retrospect I may have enjoyed more as unlikely as it may be. So I drifted to watching rubbish on television and after two old episodes of "What Not to Wear", I watching this rubbish.

I was not a huge Michael Jackson fan (I'm writing this extremely cautiously as the last time I wrote about him, elsewhere, I was attacked by legions of fans). He was talented. The Jackson 5 were great. I liked a lot of his early stuff, although its not really my cup of tea. Equally, I don't usually watch these television ghost hunt type programmes. I don't think I believe in ghosts, but I am not certain. What I am certain of is that if they do exist, they are not communicating with this world through Derek Acorah.

The seance was a combination of exploitation and bandwagon jumping, never a good mix. It involved a known fraud, some emotionally vulnerable people and a couple of celebrities who would do anything to appear on television more. The programme started badly with David Guest complimenting June Sarpong on her beautiful lips and white teeth, and it went downhill from there.

The seance participants were four Jackson superfans. At least two of them seemed disturbed before it started and were sobbing uncontrollably once things got going (FACT: no matter how much you like someone's music and feel it is talking to you and you feel you know him through his lyrics and think he is a good person because of the things you know about him, you did not know this person - they were not actually your friend or your family, and if their death affects you as if they were, then things have got out of control). Even Sarpong seemed troubled when one of them brokedown when in "communicating" with his idol. I turned it off before the other two received their messages. I never did find out if Jackson's hat flew around the room as a finale.

Why couldn't there have been a cynic thrown into it? Or someone who believes in the paranormal but without the attachment to Jackson? And the introduction stated that they would not be getting into the legal area of who did what on the night he died. How could they know that? Ok so Acorah might not ask those questions, but how could he control what Jackson wanted to talk about? He might have been angry and want to point the finger at the guilty parties? But happily for Sky's legal department, he was compliant and didn't stray into slanderous territory.

Overheard Conversions No. 8

2009-11-07T19:10:00.002Z

Shopping in Habitat, a very very posh couple were conversing with each other across the shop, shouting "Darling" before each product analysis, which included this from the man:

"Darling. Look at this. A decanter dryer. What stage do you need to have reached in life where you need a special device to dry your decanters?"

I'm not sure myself, but clearly neither myself and the other half, nor the Darlings have reached this stage as they left empty-handed and we bought a linen bin.

If you have reached that stage in life (I suspect I never will), then Habitat in the Westfield Centre has plenty of Decanter Dryers in stock.

Fish Wife

2009-11-05T19:04:00.002Z

On a temporary basis, we have a third person sharing our office. For reasons that are too complicated/sensitive/dull/ridiculous to go into here, she is not allowed to do any work at the moment, but is still expected to come into the office each day. To fill her time, she talks a lot about not much and seems to be on an endless cycle of reapplying her lipstick, handcream and perfume. The frequent sprays of the latter in a small windowless room has left me with stinging red eyes, but I haven't said anything because since she is only there short-term I didn't see the point in offending her and I reasoned that there were worse smells than an over-powering headache inducing perfume. Today I was reminded of one.

This morning I saw a pack of smoked salmon on her desk. "Shouldn't that be in the fridge" I thought to myself on my way out of the office. Minutes later on my way back in, I saw the salmon was open and she was snacking on stripes of it.

It wasn't even 11am. Surely there are better things for a mid morning snack than fish? I'm biased because I don't like any fish or seafood, but I understand that others may enjoy it for lunch or as a meal. But surely not as a snack? Its like sharing an office with a seal.

Bad Manners

2009-11-04T20:16:00.003Z

Years ago I lived with a German woman who found it confusing that we British were always saying sorry. For example if someone ask us directions and we don't know, we say "I'm sorry, I don't know" and she would say "Why are you sorry? Its not your fault or your problem".

I was dashing from the train to the bus, when a boy who could have been no more than 14 asked me if I had a light. As a) I didn't have a light b) even if I did, I wouldn't have given it to someone underage, and c) I was rushing for a bus, I merely said "no". To which the lad replied "You should say 'Sorry no' not just no".

The cheek! I could begin to see that my old flatmate had a point.

Quite Evil?

2009-10-22T20:18:00.000+01:00

I know I wasn't going to say too much about the new job (hence the prolonged silence) but this has been bugging me for a week now.

A group of us from work were having a coffee and somehow the conversation turned to friends we'd lost touch with and one woman came out with a tale that has shocked me.

She mentioned how she was back in touch with a friend she had fallen out with years ago and then went on to casually reveal the circumstances. The friend lives abroad, has never lived in the UK, but has a property here, so when she was diagnosed with cancer, a loophole allowed her to have treatment here, even though she had never lived permanently or paid taxes here. The woman from work revaled that she called the friend "an NHS tourist", and then reported her to the media, appearing herself in a television document about the loophole. She then said to us that the friend refused to appear in the documentary, which she sounded surprised at.

She finished this charming anecdote with the phrase "Oh yes, I can be quite evil".

Now I agree that is unfair and even immoral that this person came here for treatment when they could afford to pay for it elsewhere, but in reality, faced with a friend who could be dying, whose first thoughts are whether they should entitled to the live-saving treatment?

I'm keeping my distance from this woman, as if this is any sign of how she treats her friends, I hate to think what she would do to someone else.

A beginners guide to train travel

2009-10-21T21:14:00.003+01:00

Your seat reservation is only valid on the train you are booked on.
For example, if you have booked to travel on the 7am train, you are not entitled to that same seat on the 8am train. Equally if you get on the train a day late, "your" seat is likely to be taken by someone else.

This may seem obvious, but it clearly isn't to everyone as for the second time in a row, on my journey north someone told me categorically without any trace of doubt that I was in their seat, only for it to turn out that they should have travelled on a train on a different day or time.

War on Font

2009-09-27T14:50:00.003+01:00

I realise there are plenty of more important things to be upset by, but over the last few weeks I've become increasingly annoyed, to the point of hatred, with the font Comic Sans.

I was determined not to gripe too much about my new job, but I seem to have landed in a company obsessed by this font. It is used unsparingly on posters, leaflets and websites. I'm going to make it my mission to eradicate it. But they aren't alone - it crops up everywhere, although thankfully Blogger doesn't offer it as an option.

I can only assume my company uses it because they think it suggests a fun, friendly and quirky nature. Let me disabuse them of those notions right now.

Do we really want to appear fun? I think not. How about ridding ourselves of the public-sector jargon-speak first?

Friendly? Certainly, but accessible is part of friendly, and the dreaded front isn't actually that easy to read, online or off.

Quirky? Again, we are hardly a quirky organisation, but Comic Sans is so ubiquitous, you distinguish yourself more by not using it. I understand we don't want to look too corporate, but there is a middle ground between that and looking like amateurs.

Personally, I'm rather a Tahoma kind of girl. Clear, easy to read, the thinking person's Arial.

And while I'm on, I'll be removing all of those exclamation marks too. We are not an over-excitable teenager on text.

Hard Day at the Track

2009-09-27T12:25:00.005+01:00

Coming out of my work-based bubble, I'm slowly re-emerging in the real world and socialising again.

This weekend it included a day at the races as a guest of the Queen.

Indirectly.

The girlfried of a friend is PA to someone or other at Buckingham Palace and she was offered tickets for Ascot through her work. I went because it was a day out, a chance to dress up and most importantly, it was free.

The Premier Enclosure was rather disappointing - nowhere near as exclusive as I had hoped - in fact more people seemed to have the special pink badges than didn't. And more than a few people flauted the dresscode - there was many a man in a pink shirt sans tie.

I had what is termed a small flutter on the races. I know next to nothing about horse racing, odds or gambling, but you have to indulge a little I feel. Of the seven races, I gambled on just three, using equally unscientific methods in choosing my horse each time.

In the first race, I went with number 3 as number 3 has always been my lucky number, although I've never lucky and have no idea where the notiion came from that this was my lucky number. It failed to place.

In another race, I backed "Roker Park" drawn to the name as it was the name of Sunderland football team's old ground. Not that I'm a diehard football fan - I'm rather a typical fair weather supporter and supporting Sunderland an accident of birth rather than any great loyalty to them. In typical Sunderland fashion, the horse ran an unspectualar race, finishing second last.

But I did have a win. Ever cautious, I placed the minimum each way bet on a horse called Joshua Tree. I was thinking about Gram Parsons, rather than U2. It came from behind to win, and I went home £48 richer. Not enough to change my life, but it covered the cost of Pimms and the train ticket there and then some.

The View from the no. 42*

2009-09-19T13:58:00.003+01:00

Weeks of my life have been consumed with buses. When I wasn't on a bus, I was waiting for a bus, running for a bus or changing buses.

The journey to work was generally fine, although my main bus seems prone to breakdowns - in the space of a week, I was on a bus that broke down, then I was the bus following a bus that broke down that had to pick up the stray passengers.

The bus journey can be rather pleasant on a morning. Apparently it takes you right past Tommy Steele's house, except I'm not entirely sure which one it is. There are some beautiful properties along the route, although their appeal is somewhat marred when you think about how many people must gawp into their gardens each day from the top deck of the bus.

The return journey however is a more stressful affair as no bus seems to travel without a handful of teenagers discussing how much alcohol they've recently drank. The young people of my new worktown are an interesting breed - the girls are like a race of superbeings, none of them over a size 6 or under 5ft10, all with waist-length toussled hair. None of the adults look like this so presumably they all either leave the town at 20 or decline dramatically (perhaps as a result of all that vodka drinking).

Anyway I was tired of the traffic and teenagers, so I've made a change to avoid the bus. I've not moved house or quit the job (although both thoughts have occurred to me). No, I've taken the rather less radical step of being a travelcard that allows me to take the train home (or more accurately two trains and a bus, as opposed to the two buses). My quality of life has improved although I'm sticking with the morning buses.

*the number of the bus has been changed to protect the innocent

Harvest

2009-09-03T08:49:00.004+01:00

I'm still someway off "The Good Life" style self-sufficiency (and being Felicity Kendall, much to the OH's disappointment), but I've had some success in the garden this year.

I planted some radish seeds and so far I've harvested 6 of them, but there are more still growing. I'm rather proud of this achievement.

Although I'm not that keen on radishes and there isn't much you can actually do with them, besides put them in a salad. If anyone has any radish recipes, please do let me know...

The next door neighbours apple tree continues to shed its fruit into our garden, most of them falling and rotting before we can do anything with them. But at the weekend, I plucked some from the tree and made an apple cake. It has turned out well but obviously we can't eat a cake every week, so again if anyone has any healthy recipes for cooking apples, please do post.

Changes

2009-08-26T19:39:00.005+01:00

Whereas before I took a train then a tube to work, now I take the bus. Two buses in fact.

This is just one of the changes involved in the change of jobs.

Where I was in the arts before, I'm now in the Voluntary & Community Sector.
Where I worked in central London before, I'm now on the outskirts
Where my job had a UK-wide remit before, I'm now working at a local level in one borough
Where I worked 10 to 6, I now work 9 to 5

Its a lot of change. I'm still exhausted by it all. I'm still not sure what to make of it.

On the plus side, I have a new health club and whilst I am missing my outdoor swimming, this place is clean and quiet.

A Proper Grown-Up Job

2009-08-02T15:34:00.002+01:00

I start the new job tomorrow and to say I'm nervous would be an understatement. This is a Proper Grown-Up Job. A job with a 50 page business plan with "outcomes" and "deliverables" for the next 3 years with my job title next to them. I have targets I'm expected to achieve and I'm trying not to freak out about something I have to do in 2011.

Its a whole new sector, in a new location and in an office where I'm don't know where the kettle is located. In fact, I don't even know if they have a kettle.

But there may not be time for tea with all those deliverables to be delivered.

I'm not a technophobe but...

2009-07-28T12:49:00.005+01:00

Mobile phones are a necessary evil of the modern world, but frankly they bore me. And nothing marks someone out as inane so much as endless obsessing and talking about new phones.

Now I've realised why this is.

Changing mobile phones is time-consuming. Doing it regularly probably doesn't leave you with much time for outside interests.

My old phone had become increasingly random, which was bad since it was always temperamental. So I took the free upgrade. Its a good thing I have a week off work as there is no way I could fit this around a full time job.

Waiting in all day for the phone to be delivered.
The endless switching, removing and inserting of Sim cards
The hours of charging
Phoning to register the phone.
Not completing the call because it turns out I need to do something else with the Sim card first.
More struggling with the Sim and the battery

I'm surrounded by pieces of phone, old and new, packaging, accessories and instructions that don't quite explain things fully enough.

And that is before I've even attempted to use the new phone, which has more functions than my computer. All I want from it are the basic phone calls and texts, for them to work overseas and for the battery not to need charging constantly.

Exit Stage Left

2009-07-26T08:31:00.001+01:00

I no longer work in the theatre industry. I imagined telling the company where they could stick their job, making a speech to set the record straight and dancing gleefully out of the office. But of course I didn't do any of that. I worked my notice as diligently as ever, mumbled my thanks at my leaving do and left quietly, still with some feelings of doubt and regret.

I'll miss a handful of people in the office and several more across the industry, plus a few other things that made the days bearable.

I'll miss the outdoor swimming, and despite the rocky start, I'll miss the "Bums, Tums and Thighs" class (I had farewell more teary with the instructor than with any of my colleagues).

I'll miss the smiling man who hands me the London Paper every night and the woman who sells the Big Issue.

I'll miss lunches from Food for Thought. I'll miss the shops, although my savings plan won't. I'll miss the journey to work that I can do without even thinking.

But I won't miss the job and I won't miss the department. And perhaps I will be able to re-enter somewhere down the line.

Overheard Conversations No. 7

2009-07-21T17:30:00.003+01:00

On the train, a Canadian mother is talking to her young daughter, aged around 4, who is swirming about in her seat.

Mother: Sally, protect your underwear! That's the responsiblity you take on when you choose to wear a dress.

Sound advice there, that many young celebrities would do well to observe.

The Replacements

2009-07-10T08:11:00.001+01:00

The advert has been placed to find my replacement and the applications are rolling in. Its not looking good. I don't think I'm irreplaceable. Far from it, I think my job could be done by a trained monkey, so long as that monkey was trained in databases, web editing and desktop publishing. Its just the quality of applications so far has been poor.

Shrewdly, my manager has asked for applications the old fashioned way, a CV and letter by post and the majority of applicants have fallen at this first hurdle by emailing their application, thus proving they are unable to follow simple instructions.

And it seems that the young generation can't write covering letters anymore. "Here is my CV" alone on a page is not a covering letter. At the other end of the spectrum, a rambling three page missive about what you did at university with no reference to the job offered, isn't the way to write a letter either. You don't start a business letter "Hello". And a letter starting "You must be sick of reading these letters by now" may make yours stand out from the crowd, but in the wrong way.

Then there are those who don't actually want the job, but are unemployed and have to prove they are looking for work. So we receive a CV that has been photocopied badly folded twenty times to fit in a miniscule envelope , accompanied by an unreadable handwritten letter - all of which reaks of smoke. Anyone familiar with Trainspotting will recognise this as the Spud school of job applications.

Some have written acceptable letters, but they've talked up their experience - when you read the CV "extensive" turns out to mean three months in one job. And where has this trend for quoting a colleague or former employer at the top of the CV come from? This has passed me by but I don't like it. One quoted a former colleague saying she was "a problem-solver" but on further investigation the company is something she started herself after college so the "colleague" was more than likely her best friend. Another gave pride of place to a quotation from a publisher saying she "was very naughty for leaving" that company.

There was also one from a recent graduate who admitted they didn't have the experience we are looking for, but was willing to work for £4k less than the starting salary "subject to a review after 3 months". I'm sure they would be willing to work for that - for someone with no experience of anything, that would be a pretty good starting salary in most industries and very well paid in the arts.

My favourite so far has been the one that began "I am ideal for this position. I am currently manager of a massage parlour" and then lists their duties in the parlour, starting with "operating the massage machines". I've been in this job nearly five years and have so far haven't seen the connection with massage.

Shortlisting will be difficult. Not because of the usual spiel about receiving over 100 applications it was a tough decision. It will be hard to find six decent candidates to pick from.

You don't see that every day

2009-07-08T21:26:00.001+01:00

A woman in her 70s, wearing blue nail varnish on her toenails.

It matched her raincoat.

Life and Death in the Media Age

2009-07-08T08:41:00.005+01:00

I experienced something new last night - sitting in a pub watching a televised funeral. I didn't set out to watch it in the pub - the trains home had all been cancelled due to the storms so we decided to wait it out in a nearby pub. The pub, where we've frequently watched football and cricket, was showing the memorial.

It was bizarre, but then the whole thing has been bizarre.

The memorial was, I suppose, a fitting tribute. The music was good, the rest I'm not so sure about. A celebration of his talent would have been good without the coffin being on stage.

It felt disrespectful somehow to be ordering a round of drinks while Brooke Shields was talking, although I did it anyway. In a hushed sombre tone.

Paul Gambaccini was commentating on the show and he made the most memorable comment on the star's death. Asked if in years to come, his legacy would be the music or the controversy, he replied that it would be the music "because anyone can own a llama". Having a pet llama wasn't the scandal that first comes to my mind, that is still in acceptable levels of eccentricity as far as I'm concerned.

Micro-Climate

2009-07-06T08:36:00.003+01:00

I live in a modest abode, not a vast estate. So it was rather strange on Saturday to find that it was raining in the back garden, but not in the front.

Boss Time

2009-06-30T17:26:00.002+01:00

It was hard to ignore Michael Jackson at the weekend, whether it was the OH's obsessive news watching and "Earth Song" singing and the sound of his greatest hits coming from every car stereo. But despite this, the soundtrack to my weekend was not Michael Jackson, but Bruce Springsteen.

We were at a party on Saturday, which as a sign of our age began with watching Andy Murray at Wimbledon and ended with watching Bruce Springsteen at Glastonbury. Some wine was drunk in between.

Bruce was great. I've always liked him and used to make my mother play his albums constantly on any car journeys when I was a teenager. But with the Glastonbury performance, he convinced even people who had never been interested in him. He has some great songs, and he (and the band) put in so much effort to their performances still. Tom Jones should take note - he put so little effort into his Glastonbury show that he was still unruffled without a hair or touch of makeup out of place at the end.

He clearly loves performing, realises he has the greatest job in the world and enjoys it. Something many stars could learn from...

Tough & Corny

2009-06-24T08:35:00.004+01:00

Putting my worries aside for an evening, I went to the cinema to see Rudo y Cursi, the new film starring Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna. Y Tu Mama Tambien is one of my all time favourite films, and this film was pretty much a "Who's who" of Mexican cinema.

The film was fantastic, soothing my worry that I'd gone off cinema. It was sort of about football, but you didn't have to be a football fan to enjoy it as you only saw the games through people's reactions to it.

The screening was a special event with the stars, director and producer in attendence. I'll admit that was one reason for me wanting to go - I do find Gael Garcia Bernal very attractive (despite his shortness). The discussion after the film was the usual thing - the panel were great, but were let down by the audience's contribution - mainly inane comments or nitpicking criticism that missed the point. But the stars made it a special event. They were witty and engaging, with way more charisma then you usually see on today's stars. Of course, there is no reason why they shouldn't be - young, good-looking, and talented. And perhaps that is the nub of it, most stars today aren't that talented and even less of them could be described as talented.

Carnival!

2009-06-21T09:39:00.008+01:00

I stepped out of my door, with the intention of taking the bus to the library, when I became aware of the sound of a marching band. There was no traffic in the direction I was going and then I noticed that people were standing in their gardens, on their doorsteps and on the curb.

A sign of the times, I wondered whether it might be a parade by an extremist group, but it turned out to be the local carnival. I had no idea it was happening but clearly it was a very big deal for other locals. Besides the crowds lining the street, which increased as I walked down the road, some shops had even closed for the day, with signs in their windows saying "See you at the Carnival".

So I slowed down and lingered a while to see the parade. As parades go, it wasn't really that impressive, but the fact that I saw some semblance of community for the first time seemed more important.

Having seen the entire parade pass by (a marching band, a beauty queen, one small float, a group with decorated umbrellas, some army cadets and their tank and some drummers), I decided to continue my journey to the library but as the traffic was being held someway back, I thought it best to walk. This meant that for a good ten minutes, until our routes diverged, I looked as if I was joining with the parade!

All in all, it was a cheery little event, but without the more colourful elements of the parade around it, the sight of the minature army and tank going down the high street might have been a bit troubling.

Escape from The Rut

2009-06-20T09:15:00.003+01:00

I've been in The Rut for a long time. I've been bored and unchallenged, my mind was rotting. I filled up my time with "projects" to distract me, so I wouldn't dwell on The Rut too much. I'd made The Rut quite comfortable, made the best of it.

Then this week, I seem to have found a way out of The Rut. A new opportunity. A proper step in the right direction. Something challenging but perfectly possible.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to leave The Rut behind. But why don't I feel happier about it? Its the little things that make The Rut bearable that I'm worried about leaving behind. And that,strangely enough, I worked so hard to get into The Rut in the first place, that it feels like quitting to leave it behind.

Still it is all "subject to references" which is quite a bit thing when one of the problems with The Rut other people taking credit for things you've done. So I may not quite be out of The Rut yet.

Film Recommendations Wanted

2009-06-18T21:18:00.003+01:00

So we've got the Love Film service and we received DVDs through the post. But the problem recently is that I haven't been enjoying many of them.

Here is a quick sample of recent picks:

Hannah Takes the Stairs - an American indie film in the little known genre called "Mumblecore". The sound is poorly mixed and the characters witter on about their nothing lives. I turned it off.

Somers Town - I've enjoyed Shane Meadows other films, but didn't warm to this one, perhaps because I knew it had started life as an advert for the Eurostar.

Blame It on Fidel - A French child suffers when her parents become revolutionaries. I found it hard to care.

The Baader Meinhof Complex - The Baader Meinhof gang are a minor obsession of mine, but this made a very interesting period incredibly dull.

Righous Kill - It should have been a warning sign that it was a film starring De Niro and Pacino that I'd never even heard of. Less than the sum of its parts.

There have been two that I have enjoyed

Mad Detective - very interesting film from Hong Kong about an ex-detective with mental powers that are great for detection but not for his own sanity. Like nothing else I've ever seen.

Six Shooter - a short film by Martin McDonaugh. Very funny in an odd, disturbing way.

So I'm looking for some recommendations. What have you seen that you've loved? I will watch pretty much anything, except chick flicks. It doesn't have to be new even.

Overheard Conversations No. 6

2009-06-14T09:21:00.002+01:00

On the train, a group of men in their late twenties get on at the stop after mine and sit by me. From their conversation, I gather that they are all members of a swimming club that meets at my local pool, which isn't the one I use and I'm rather relieve now I don't.

Man 1: You should get John to join
Man 2: He doesn't like swimming. I don't know why. Actually I do know why. He told me why.
Man 1: Why?
Man 2: He finds it boring, just swimmig up and down.
Man 1; But its not boring. It is like flying, soaring in the air. Its a beautiful feeling
Man 2: And you can see up people's crotches

The system

2009-06-11T07:45:00.003+01:00

Why does travelling by the London transport system always feel like such a battle? Surely a transport system is supposed to ease your passage through the city, making things easier. But not in London. Every day it feels like the system has to be outwitted, and it becomes a battle of wills, you versus the system. You feel a sense of achievement if you manage to get somewhere without too much of a problem. But if you beat the system on your outbound journey, it will punish you on your return.

And this is when "a good service is operating on all London underground lines". And for this they want a payrise, they feel they deserve more than the £50K most tube drivers earn?

I managed to navigate my way to and from work yesterday, only adding three hours onto my day. Today, I fear the system will take its revenge.

Back in Black

2009-06-09T20:56:00.004+01:00

Having made a real effort in recent years to not give in to my natural inclination to always wear black, I now find myself with a job that actually requires it.

I have a new job. Sort of.

I still have the old job, but I now have a new voluntary job as well (plus the bits of freelance stuff too - I'm not very good at doing nothing). As of the weekend, I have joined the 500 volunteer stewards at Shakespeare's Globe. It involves showing people to their seats, herding the crowds in the event of a fire and selling programmes, cushions, blankets and rain ponchos. And it requires me to wear black, which I now find that I have a lot less of in my wardrobe than I thought.

So far (after just two shifts), I really like it and am looking forward to going back next weekend. The thing with voluntary work is it is always much better than actual work, apart from the bit about not being paid.

That passed the time

2009-05-15T16:33:00.002+01:00

VLADIMIR: That passed the time.
ESTRAGON: It would have passed in any case.
VLADIMIR: Yes, but not so rapidly.

A busy week with three nights out in a row, culminating in seeing “Waiting for Godot” at the theatre.

When I booked the tickets I was under the impression that I loved “Waiting for Godot”. What is actually true is that my 17 year old self loved “Waiting for Godot”, but experience has taught me that my 17 year old self can’t be trusted. My 17 year old self also loved “On the Road”, The Doors and someone called Dave who worked in a shoe shop.

The acting was great and I’m glad I’ve seen Sir Ian McKellen and Patrick Stuart on stage, but I was tired and wanted to go home. The glasses of wine I’d had at an event prior to the going to the theatre probably didn’t help (“You can’t go to see “Waiting for Godot” drunk, I’d explained to a colleague early in the week, winning the award for possibly the most pretentious thing uttered this week). But I think I enjoyed it more than the Australian I overheard on the way out saying “I would have just hung myself”.

On the way home I was thinking about great pairings who could play the lead roles and suddenly the best possible cast occured to me: Statler and Wardolf from the Muppets. I'm surprised it hasn't already been done, although a quick search did show up that Sesame Street did its own version called "Waiting for Elmo".

Mad about Mad Men

2009-05-10T16:16:00.003+01:00

Sadly it was the last episode of the second series of Mad Men. Slowly, without me at first realising it, I have fallen in love with this programme.

Not much happens, things just simmer and bubble beneath the beautiful surface. Although actually more did happen in the second series, nothing at all happened in the first.

I was always going to watch a programme set in the 1960s, and the period detail here didn't disappoint. It wasn't a cheap nostalgia, played for laughs like the Seventies details in Life on Mars. The sets are gorgeous. Pete Campbell may be an undiagnosed sociopath, but I want his apartment!

And the fashions. It is set in the early 60s, before it had really become "The Sixties" as we know think of them, so the clothes are more fifties style with full skirts and figure skimming knee length dresses. This is a time before the mini and before casual. Nobody wear jeans. Everyone is dressed up all of the time. Even to having a breakdown, Betty Draper looks wonderful.

Then there is Joan. The OH nearly falls of sofa every time she comes on the screen. Even I feel compelled to say "Wow" at her curves. Magazine articles are proclaiming the comeback of curves because of her. One article rather pettily pointed out that the actress Christina Hendricks just looked like any other big girl in her jeans and t-shirt in real-life. I find this hard to believe but what does it matter - why on earth would you wear jeans if you look this good in a dress? I'd do the gardening in a dress if I looked like that.

I've noticed some Mad Men Secretary style dresses appearing the shops too, and as I need something smarter than my usual attire for some upcoming work events, I tried some on. Having spent the last few years not being thin enough when waif-like or adrogenous figures were required, I now find that when curves are in, I'm not curvy enough.

Nobody panic, Everybody panic

2009-04-30T20:13:00.002+01:00

A week ago we were all going about our business, minding our own business, worrying about the economy. Nobody had heard of swine flu. Then suddenly we are expected to worry about it.

I was sceptical, put it down to another round of scaremongering that would amount to nothing much. Frankly I was too busy to be worried. I had other things on my mind (getting some shoes reheeled, finding a savings account with a decent rate of interest, that sort of thing).

Then tonight I read the story in the free newspapers that experts are warning to be prepared for 94,000 people in London to die. That is large number, but more than that it is a precise number. How do they know it will be 94,000, not 93,000 or 95,000? And apparently my borough will be the worst affected. Again, how do they know? Do they already have the names and addresses of the unfortunate ones? What makes this borough more susceptible to it? Should I consider moving?

Best case scenario, the best we can hope for is 7000 deaths. 7000 deaths doesn't seem like something you would hope for.

Is it time to panic?

You Look Just Like...

2009-04-25T10:25:00.000+01:00

A conversation with my mother revealed that in her youth, someone said she looked like Gina Lollobrigida. Which set me thinking about how I have been told I look like.

I have been compared to the following people:

The Corrs (exact Corr not specified)

Happy with that so long as its not the male one.

Danni Minogue (circa Home and Away)

Didn't mind this. (It is very hard to find a photo of her pre-whatever it is she has had done to herself in recent years)

Katie Corkhill from Brookside

Less pleased with this one.

Sophie Ellis Bextor

Confused by this one.

A Gelfling from The Dark Crystal

This was meant as an insult I think.

Dec from Ant and Dec

The smaller one if you don't know - there are no photos of him on his own! Perhaps not as insulted by this as I should be. My friend who fancied him and had a photo of him next to her bed was more disturbed by it than me.

Rodney Bewes from The Likely Lads

This is the worst. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had said James Bolam, at least he was the cool one.

Suffice to say I don't think I look like any of them.

Who have you been told you look like?

The St George's Day Question

2009-04-23T20:15:00.004+01:00

Part of me thinks it is a shame that we can't celebrate our national saint's day and that patriotism is associated with racism. But then I see people actually celebrating being English, I think that St George's Day is probably best ignored.

Once more the pub next door to work was flying the flag of Englishness. The bunting was being hung when I arrived this morning, and predictably at lunchtime, the band followed, subjecting us to an afternoon of songs that haven't been popular since the 1940s. A quaint, and mostly harmless notion of Englishness, although I got the impression that they were mourning the loss of the colonies and still celebrating defeating the Germans.

But this was better than what followed.

Late afternoon, the Enger-Land crowds turned up, with the Vera Lynn songs replaced by inane chants of "Enger-Land" and "I'm England til I die". In my five minute walk from the office, I was three times accosted by men drapped in St George's Crosses, starting with the innocous "Allo Treacle", progressing to the offer of "would you like to be wrapped in this flag with me, darling".

If this is what it means to be English, next time I'm accused of being Norwegian, Irish or Polish (all of which have happened), I won't contradict it.

I then passed a woman, clearly English from her accent, who looking at all of the people in flags, said to her friend, "There must be a football match on", obviously unaware that it was an important national day. There is lies the problem. There needs to be a way of celebrating St George's day for the rest of us majority who fall outside of the nostalgic and moronic.

BT&T

2009-04-23T18:00:00.001+01:00

Once more I am attempting to broaden my exercise regime. Once more I'm remembering why I usually just swim.

Yesterday was the turn of "Bums, Tums & Thighs". I expected the class to be full of ladies with huge behinds, beer bellies and thunderous thighs, but it wasn’t. The rest of the class were all of dancer-like build, probably having glided over from the Royal Opera House. But I suppose that shows that regular attendance might produce results.

The class was a harsh reminder of how inflexible and uncoordinated I am. At no point was it fun.

I began to take personally the teacher’s comments about keeping a distance between our chins and chests (I am paranoid about my weak chin). Uncharitable thoughts about “proper academic subjects” crossed my mind when she mentioned her university for physical education.

When the time was nearly up and she asked the class if we wanted to do the relaxation stretches or one more exercise, the rest of the class responded that they wanted to do TWO more exercises. If I hadn’t been about to collapse with exhaustion at this point, I might have fainted in surprise.

Today I ache everywhere, but particularly in those three mentioned areas.

City of Angels (and Roads)

2009-04-11T20:14:00.006+01:00

It made a change to go somewhere that we didn't fall in love with and want to live. Most of the other places we've been in recent years (Cornwall, west coast of Scotland, New Forest, San Francisco, even Madeira) have looked like great places to live and we've started to look at property prices and job opportunities with vague ideas of how plausible it would be to move there. That didn't happen with Los Angeles.

I was glad I went and I enjoyed my time there, but for once I didn't wish I lived there rather than London.

My abiding impression of LA is of roads, lots of big roads. As a non-driver a place that is so reliant having a car was always going to have its work cut out to win me over, but I thought it would have something more to it. There didn't seem to be a real heart to the place, rather lots of districts with their own character, connected by big roads.

Hollywood Boulevard reached surreal levels of tackiness, but there wasn't really much there unless you wanted your photograph taken with a Marilyn look-abit-alike or one of the three spidermen.

Sunset Strip with its infamous bars was a bit grittier (lots of hair and tattoos), but it didn't live up to its mythical status. Any last thoughts about River Phoenix's death being a rock n roll way to go were dispelled by the reality of the Viper Rooms being a dive at the side of a big road (if the drugs hadn't finished him off then the traffic probably would have).

I attempted to recreate "In Search of a Midnight Kiss" by walking around the downtown area looking at the disused and unloved theatres. The older parts of downtown had some beautiful buildings, but they were disgracefully neglected and now home to assorted shops selling assorted tat. The newer parts were impressive, I quite liked the Blade Runner skyline and the Walt Disney Concert Hall is stunning. But there wasn't really much there (plenty of roads though).

I still want to move to San Francisco though.

Some thoughts on Flying

2009-04-10T21:16:00.003+01:00

I actually quite like flying. I find the take-off and landing exciting. It is the in-between parts that I find difficult.

People will go to sleep in airports with an abandon that you don't see anywhere else. They will lie down on the floor, in the middle of the day, fully clothed, with their belongings left unattended and sleep. It doesn't happen anywhere else.

Airline food is invariably awful, but I love the ritual of it. The little trays, with the plastic cutlery, the antipation of opening up the dishes. It is a feast in miniature with more courses than I'd normally have (the main, the salad, the dessert, the cheese) - although in small and often inedible. The worst I had was a risotto served with side order of rice salad and on the outward flight the woman next to me had a pasta dish accompanied by a pasta salad.

Air hostesses are nowhere near as glamorous as they were in the Sixties.

Out of Office message

2009-03-26T22:14:00.002Z

I will be away now until after Easter. Off to California.

The heat and superficiality of LA.
The fog and crippling hills of San Francisco.

I can't wait.

A slight problem

2009-03-24T08:03:00.004Z

I think I've gone off theatre.

I've been three times in the last three weeks to see plays and haven't enjoyed any of them.

The second one I disliked the least but the best I could say about that was it left me indifferent. It wasn't bad, but it lacked oomph, like scrambled egg without black pepper (or insert your own under-seasoned food analogy here).

The other two inspired a range of emotions including near hysteria (not in a good way), surprise, confusion and boredom.

The first contained too many words said quickly and loudly over and over again.

The third didn't contain enough words, being mainly physical theatre. I know a bit about physical theatre (I'm no stranger to Stanislavski , understand why it developed in the Catalan region etc) but I don't like it. Words are important to me; I like books, I like languages. I don't like mime or clowning, and for the same reason I struggle with dance.

But I was apparently in the minority, the applause was rapturous. Everyone else thought it was "simply marvellous, darling".

All about my Mother

2009-03-22T10:49:00.004Z

On Mothers Day, some random thoughts about my mother.

My life is completely different from hers. By my age, my mother was married with three children. Her glory days as Miss Trimcraft, Miss Siemens Plessey and eventually Miss South Tyneside were far behind her.

Things I've inherited from my mother: a strong work ethic, an inate sense of fairness and justice, "the Sanddancer bum", and a love of Bruce Springsteen.

Some things I wish I'd inherited: her looks, her practical nature, her ability with mental arithmetic, her cooking skills.

My mother mispronounces the name "Malcolm" and the word "balcony", pronouncing them "Mollcom" and "Bolcony" respectively. Asked why she does this, she claimed that pronouncing them with an "A" sounds common.

She has an inexplicable mental block about the black suits in playing cards and has always referred to them as "shovels" and "cauliflowers".

Christmas is always tinged with subterfuge, as she disguises presents in different sized boxes or tells people they are getting something completely different, to add an element of surprise to the proceedings.

Overheard Conversations No. 5

2009-03-18T17:27:00.001Z

In the sports centre changing rooms:

Girl 1: I changed gyms because I wanted to use the pool
Girl 2. I like swimming, but (slight pause) I always drown.

Five minutes later outside of the changing rooms, I see them departing.

Girl 1: So are you are coming again tomorrow? To the gym or the pool?
Girl 2: (emphatically) Gym.

Good decision there to avoid drowning.

Pschedelic Psaturday

2009-03-14T17:45:00.006Z

Left to my own devices tonight, I'm having a retro evening.

Music courtesy of Beyond the Beat Generation - streaming "the undiscovered area of 60s underground". Their archive contains 27 versions of the song Gloria and 8 versions of Louie Louie.

The psychedelic film Wonderwall will be screening later and I have books by Richard Brautigan and Tom Wolf on hand. I may even put on a suitable dress from my collection.

If only I still had that lava lamp...

The cost of free theatre tickets

2009-03-13T17:13:00.002Z

A pair of tickets to see a show at a local theatre – free
Drinks before the show- £10
Meal for two in theatre bar that left me feeling sick - £20
Replacing cardigan that I left on my seat but was gone when I went back two minutes later - £25+ (if I can actually find another plain black cardigan that is exactly right)
The 80 minutes of our lives that we aren’t getting back that were spent watching the dreadful show – priceless

Not the best night out ever. But getting back in the saddle quickly with another show on Monday. Hopefully that will be better.

Night Swimming

2009-03-05T08:32:00.002Z

I think I have now been outdoor swimming in all conditions, having added windy winter evening to the set of sunshine, snow and rain.

The twilight added a romantic glow to the pool, but unfortunately the strong wind made it a more difficult experience. Swimming through the squall was hard work and in one direction involved being hit in the face with a constant spray of water.

My usual routine using a float was complicated by not being able to keep the float safely on the edge of the pool. Swimming along I was alarmed to see my float hurtling down the length of the pool, unaccompanied, at a speed much faster than I can achieve. It reminded me of when horses finish races without their riders. I felt responsible for this, but thankfully it didn't hit anyone as it skimmed down the pool, and we were later reunited although not where we'd parted company.

Still I'm considering going back again tonight.

Is it wrong...

2009-03-03T08:12:00.000Z

that we have an important event at work, that has been causing untold amounts of stress and hassle, but I'm secretly looking forward to it because the conference centre provides excellent Danish pastries?

Stripe Update

2009-03-01T12:31:00.004Z

My quest for the perfect striped dress has advanced.

Firstly, I found a dark grey and black striped t-shirt dress by a Scandinivian label, Resterods. So I was ideally looking for white and black, but I thought I'd at least get a lot of wear out of this one (ignore the wet hair and creases in the dress!)

Then on Friday, in H&M, I found this jumper dress, which is much more striking and closer to the ideal. I wasn't 100% convinced by it (although I do quite like this picture) but the OH's reaction meant I'm keeping it. He said I looked like a dancer from "Ready Steady Go". I don't know if that was compliment or insult, but that was certainly close to the desired effect.

So for now, I think my desire for stripes is sated.

Good Work, Mr President

2009-02-27T10:15:00.004Z

No, not the multi-billion dolldar stimulus package for economy. Time will tell on that one.

I'm referring to his family's decision on their dog. They've apparently decided on a Portuguse Water Dog.

Their temperament is described thus:

Portuguese Water dogs make excellent companions. They are loving, independent, and intelligent and are easily trained in obedience and agility skills. Once introduced, they are generally friendly to strangers, and actively enjoy being petted, which, due to their soft, fluffy coats, is a favour that human beings willingly grant them.

The Project: 1950s Hollywood

2009-02-26T11:15:00.001Z

Many years ago I read Peter Biskind’s book “Easy Riders, Raging Bulls” which was a fantastic warts and all account of film-making in Hollywood in the Sixties and Seventies. I enjoyed it so much I rushed out to buy another book of his “Seeing is Believing: How Hollywood taught us to stop worrying and love the fifties” (not the most snappy of titles).

I expected it to be similar to his previous book, but on an earlier period, but that wasn’t the case. It is an analysis of over 30 films and how they relate to ideology of the 1950s. Unfortunately of this 30+ films, I’d only seen one and the book has been languishing on my shelves unread.

This year, I’m determined to read it, but in order to appreciate it I obviously need to watch the films discussed. So my project (for I’m quite fond of such things) is to watch the films and read the accompanying chapters.

So far I’ve watched:

Twelve Angry Men – my favourite so far. Perhaps a little too neatly tied up for modern tastes but very well done.
The Day the Earth Stood Still – classic Sci-Fi. Surprisingly intelligent.
Attack – decent war film and not a world away from Generation Kill which I’m also currently watching.
From Here to Eternity – star-studded war and romance. Quite enjoyable considering I don’t really like war or romance films.
My Darling Clementine – the disc started to skip, so I didn’t finish it. I struggle with Westerns, which doesn't bode well for one section.

Tonight, I’m back to the Sci-Fi with “It Came From Outer Space”.

That New Car Smell

2009-02-13T08:36:00.003Z

Next week I turned 34.

Invariably when I mention my age, people will be surprised and comment that I look a lot younger. I accept that I probably do look younger than 34, but I have lost that youthful glow. The gloss has gone.

I was finding it hard to describe this, but then last week I saw John Stewart interviewing the 21 year old star of Slumdog Millionaire. Stuart was comparing himself with the young actor, and saying how fresh the actor was. The way he described it was that he (at 46) might not look too bad, but he had lost "that new car smell".

This perfectly describes how I feel.

Other "Me"s

2009-02-12T08:59:00.000Z

Claire over at the Mummy's Bracelet mentioned googling your own name in her list of 25 things which made me google myself again.

Here are the versions of "me" I came across:

Lead singer of a Manchester-based rock band

Photographer

Me in my work capacity

Failed Democrat candidate in a Pennsylvania election

Someone in planning in Local Government

Me in my freelance capacity

Someone who attended a Hawkwind event

I wouldn't mind people thinking the first two were me, but I suspect I'm more likely to be confused with the fnal one.

Who shares your name? Do you wonder what else you have in common?

"Your Home is a Dump"

2009-02-11T13:19:00.004Z

The girlfriend of the footballer Andrey Arshavin has been reported as saying she hates London because it is dirty and the woman are scruffy. She might have a point about it being a bit on the grubby side, but who judges a place on how its people are dressed? Are you going to dismiss a place brimming with culture and history because its citizens haven't all had manicures?

If a British person went to another city and made similar comments, it would spark a diplomatic incident and within a few days, they would be apologising and back peddling.

But it is perfectly acceptable for people to insult London.

A lot of British people do it too. Every time I go back up north, someone will tell me that they don't know how I can live in London/they hate London/London is too crowded/London is too expensive. Its so rude.

Imagine their response if I replied by saying how much I hated the town where they lived. I'd probably be punched. But it is fine for everyone to insult the place where I live.

Yes, it is expensive, but so are all capital cities, and so is Newcastle if you only ever go out on the Quayside.

And the transport system isn't very good, but it is just a means to an end. We don't choose to live in London because of the tube, unless of course, you work for Transport for London.

In Search of Stripes

2009-02-11T07:34:00.006Z

For nearly three years now I've been searching for the perfect striped dress without success.

Ideally it should be black & white, round or slash neck (not v or scooped), preferably long or 3/4 sleeves, but I'm flexible on that detail.

Inspired mainly by this.

with a touch of her

and not too much of this

The closest I've come is this from American Apparel.

Unfortunately it is One Size Fits All, and whilst it does fit, it fails to flatter.

The search continues.

If you see anything suitable let me know.

25 Things about Me.

2009-02-06T17:50:00.003Z

Roses posted a list of 25 things about herself with the invitation for others to do the same.
25? I struggled with the list of seven that was doing the rounds a while back. Apologies if some of these repeat things I’ve said before.

1. I have always looked pretty much the same as I do now, just in a different sized version.

2. I’m left-handed in terms of pen-holding, but do some things the right-handed way. I think I’m actually the opposite of ambidextrous in that I’m not good with either.

3. I found my first grey hair while I was waiting to go into a French lesson aged 15. If it wasn’t the invention of hair dye, I may be entirely silvered haired by now. I inherited this from my father.

4. I have claimed that The Monkees are better than The Beatles on more than one occasion because I know it annoys people, but I think I actually do prefer them.

5. I really love art and doing creative things, however I am generally rubbish at these things as I have no natural ability. An art exam at school was the one and only exam I’ve ever failed in my life.

6. I still find going to the cinema exciting, especially if the “Pearl & Dean” advert comes on before the film. The music sends a shiver of excitement down my spine.

7. My favourite clothing items are short black dresses and flared jeans, and I think I might be getting too old to wear either.

8. I can’t drive. I’ve never had a single lesson or attempt at it. I’ve just never been able to picture myself doing it and traffic scares me. I know I should do something to change this.

9. I grew up by the sea and still miss living by the sea (the smell of the salt air in the evening especially), but I never go on beach holidays.

10. I like spending time on my own and many of my favourite things are best enjoyed alone (swimming, reading and sometimes even going to the cinema)

11. I find it very difficult to relax. I’m either doing something or I’m asleep. There isn’t much of a middle ground.

12. I am such a bad singer that I don’t even like to sing to myself in private. I often have a song going round in my head though – today it is “Cover Girl” by New Kids on the Block which destroys any credibility I may have had. (My sister went to see them last week, that’s why I thought about it)

13. I don’t have much money, but given the choice between more money and more time, I’d definitely take the more time option.

14. I feel guilty about living far away from my family but in all honesty could not imagine myself living in my hometown again.

15. Aged 5, I organised a talent contest for the employees of my parents’ company and some of my toys. I was the judge. My toy Mickey Mouse won, my dad came second, my mum third. I was a very harsh judge of the other contestants.

16. I’ve just eaten some pumpkin seeds.

17. I know a little bit about a lot of things and am not an expert in anything.

18. I went swimming outside this morning even though it had been snowing.

19. I’m not a good cook, but I always enjoy anything I’ve cooked myself because of the sense of achievement. My family’s business was catering, so I used to see it as my small rebellion that I couldn’t.

20. I’m trying to do something good each day, no matter how small.

21. As a child, it was explained to me that films were different from normal television programmes because they were only on once. I went through a phase of crying if I’d missed a film on television because I thought I’d never get another chance to see it.

22. The best job I’ve ever had was working in a charity shop. Unfortunately it was unpaid. Other than that, it was ideal.

23. I worry constantly. About everything. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

24. I'm not at all competitive, which may be one reason why I was terrible at sport. I am however very competitive at pub quizzes.

25. I'm off to the theatre now.

So much for January

2009-02-03T17:30:00.000Z

Where did it go? What did I do?

In summary:

Had a haircut and changed where my hair is parted (a subtle change)
Celebrated the 60th birthdays of the OH and my remaining parents
Caught a bug
Dined out using some discount vouchers

In a word, uneventful.

Wishing Wall

2009-01-18T08:29:00.003Z

We went to the cinema last night (to see documentary about Hunter S Thompson, if you are interested). In the corridor, there was a display entitled "Wishing Wall" where local children had written their hopes and wishes for the 2012 Olympics. Visitors could contribute their own wishes too.

Amongst the dreams of "I wish I had a Gold Medal" and "I want to see Usain Bolt winning the 100 metres without even trying" was my favourite:

"I wish Boris would spend the money on pensioners and buying Woolworths instead".